Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Flying Purple People Eater
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Help, please! Funnybony 07:21, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Help is one its way--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 19:21, January 24, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Ok, a really interesting article I have to say. It has its pro’s and con’s but what article doesn’t. After reading the Wikipedia version, you’ve stuck with the concept the entire time. The only thing that puts down the article is short paragraphs in the subsections along with a few other things.
Take out the cannibal and put something else like monster, because you’re literally saying it eats its own species. That will really contradict your article and confuse people.
Not much to change except remove the last sentence as you already said that in the Death section and nobody likes repeats.
The reader would like to know about its home world and the system. The following are things that should be explained: Where is this planet? What color was it? Did it had oceans, or did they all evaporate? What are the politics in that planet? Who were the main species? Does it have an atmosphere made of oxygen, methane, or helium? How far was it from Earth? Doing this shows more information about its home world, and will make it more interesting Also, it would be good to add more descriptions about the Purple People Eater, like other features such as followed: Is it Cold or warm blooded? Is it furry? Does it fly at great lengths? Also, you might want to put the English name of the home world and system in parentheses, just so people can know its name other than the fact it’s called whatever you putted down.
Ok since this is a hard part because it only eats purple people, I would suggest saying the types of purple people it eats, and what they go great with. Also, I’ve notice something about one line in this section; you’ve said it was a non vegetarian, but you just said it ate grapes. This really contradicts, because 1) you said it’s a non vegetarian, meaning it only eats meat and dairy, and 2) if it eats grapes, it means it doesn’t just eat meat like you said, but eats veggies as well (even though grapes is a fruit but its still the same thing, so don’t get smart with me). I suggest removing one or the other, or at least reword the non-vegetarian part to something “rarely eats fruit and vegetables”. That will make a lot of since and won’t contradict.
This one I was disappointed in. The only thing we know about its personality is its lack of respect for purple people, and the rest was just random crap. That doesn’t explain much at all. People want to know the rest of its personality like the following: Was it always happy? Sad? Grump? Did it had a short fuse. Is it intelligent? The reader want to know more than what you just said.
One thing that should change would be the fact that it was discovered after its death to be purple. It starred in music and shit like that, so people must have seen its color unless it was wearing a yellow jacket.
First, capitalize the S in spoken. Second, tell how it manages to learn our language, like did he took English classes or something? And like I said above, it would be best to put the English word for the name of the language in parentheses.
You said it sounded similar to Pee Wee Herman, but in the Wikipedia version, it said it sounded like Alvin and the Chipmunks. I describe this in three words; stupid, random, unfunny (even though I’ve never heard his voice, but still). Besides I think Pee Wee Herman has too many jokes about him, so replace him with Alvin and the Chipmunks
Give more information about the movies It starred in. And how that turned out for him.
Unamusing. As well as random. Delete this one, there’s no humor that can be found here.
Give more information about its death. Was he buried, cremated, or stuffed and put in a museum? Did he had a funeral? Did family, friends, fans, and/or random people came to his funeral? Did anybody care that he was dead. Also, you should include how to police felt when they arrested an innocent man, or in this case a innocent monster.
Alvin and the Shitmunks- Um, I don’t think this was funny in any way and sounds stupid. Also Alvin and the Chipmunks fans can get offended by this, so just say Alvin and the Chipmunks, but this is up to you.
|Concept:||8||A nice concept about something based off a song (or something) but short paragraphs and contradictions and shit keeps this from achieving a perfect score. Work on this article with corrections and it would reach 100% awesome.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||A few mistakes that I will point out
I think that’s it. If you need to have spelling and/or grammar corrected, use the spell checker on MS or our fabulous proofreading service
|Images:||10||Absolutely Perfect. No changes needed.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||My overall score of this article.|
|Final Score:||37||Sorry for the constant delay, won’t happen again, hopefully. Anyways, not too bad, but it still needs work. Just go with the stuff I said above, read HTBFANJS to help you out, and ask other people for advice on how to make it look good, and this article will be 100% perfect, maybe even VFH worthy. If you have any questions, comments, complaints, cake, and/or pie, just go to my talk page. Good Luck! Cheers!|
|Reviewer:||--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:30, February 3, 2010 (UTC)|