Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Flute Hero
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As per the "every article I make must be reviewed" rule, someone review this article. --04:57, 28 July 2007 (UTC)
- My interest in this article suddenly, inexplicably, got piqued again. Review, please and thank you. -- 21:19, 6 April 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||Note 1. “It was released as a counter to the American made Guitar Hero, which was in turn a counter to the Japanese Dance Dance Revolution, which was in turn in turn a counter counter to a Counterstrike mod called Quarter Counter Counts Quarter Counts.” Quite the tongue-twister. However, elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 2. “\m/” lol, right on freaky bro! Elicited a smile and appreciation.
Note 3. “Rhythm-PG” ohohoho, clever! Elicited a smile.
Note 4. “In fact, the only people who enjoyed the game were the Somalians that found the two million unsold games when they were dumped over their country on garbage day, and even then all the Africans did was eat it as nutrition for the DVD-CD's scarce amounts of fiber.” Unexpected. The imagery—in all its abjection—is tickling. However, the passage is a bit confusing: is the article calling the Somalians Africans? Or is the article introducing another example? If it was the former, it’s pretty funny in its reinforcing that they’re all the same! The lot of them! mentality. This passage elicited a smirk and recognition.
Note 5. “Growing up on a cloistered farm for most of his adult life with no friends but his woodwind instruments, his expectations were warped from the very beginning. Little did Mr. Minomya know that there were practically no bands that featured a flute and were simultaneously also able to rock. This small flaw would cause some issues when the developers were finding suitable tracks for the game.” Good and clever conclusion to that train of thought. Elicited a chuckle.
Note 6. Second half of development section. Largely an unwelcome digression into randomness and pop culture cliché (the mockable personally affronted clandestine cross-dressing Japanese cosplayer).
Note 7. "This is when Mr. Minomya really proved to the entire company of Square-Enix that he was a true, unique, one-of-a-kind king among dumbasses." Good. Very much unexpected as well. Elicited a smirk.
Note 8. “After investing too much of his money into the development of the game, high-stakes sumo wresting and personal voyeurs, Mr. Minomya had hardly enough money to guarantee release onto the public market overseas. Strapped for cash, he resorted to get the games to retail stores in America the old fashioned way: pirating. Square lent him a few sky pirate-style airships, loaded them with copies of Flute Hero, and they set a course for the United States.”: While “Mr. Minomya had hardly enough money to guarantee release onto the public market overseas.” is good, the rest of this passage is an exercise in unwelcome randomness. Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 9. "Sadly, due to extremely poor judgment once more resulting from his isolated life on the Osakan corn fields, the console he released it on wasn't quite the one kids played anymore. By attempting to connect with teenagers in the states, he released the game as an Xbox exclusive a full two years after the console went completely and utterly defunct. This made it the only release on the platform since G Rated Talking Animal Movie: The Game!" Topical. However, elicited only recognition.
Note 10. "Flute Hero, much like Guitar Hero, featured a plastic controller shaped like the instrument in question, in this case a flute" Good matter o’ factly delivery. Elicited a smirk.
Note 11. "What resulted became widely hailed as: "An ugly and clunky piece of trash", "The misshapen child of a hunk of plastic and a cheap dildo...Quite frankly, an unresponsive piece of shit and an eyesore at the same time." What a great idea in this passage! Unfortunately, the examples are boring. This passage asks not for valium: it asks for viagra! Spice this passage up with some vitriol!
Note 12. "The difference between the two is that, as opposed to Guitar Hero which makes you strum a separate control at the mouth of the guitar as well, the player needs to blow into the yellow port while pressing the keys to hit notes. According to Mr. Wada: "It seemed like a good idea at the time... until the deaths rolled in." Very good. The imagery is too ridiculous and the quote enhances the embarrassment and patheticness of this whole affair. Elicited a laugh.
Note 13. "Yes, the biggest complaint about Flute Hero wasn't about the abysmal looks, idea or tracks, but it was about the controls. Out of twenty-five test subjects, four died attempting to rack up large combos. Square Enix knew the feature absolutely had to go because of that, but Mr. Minomya threatened to pull funding if anything about the game, especially a fundamental (if deadly) feature, was changed. Square-Enix figured they had nothing to lose since they didn't actually care about the game and his funding was the only funding the game got in the first place, but being the brave souls they were, they stuck around." A very good and very much appreciated elaboration of the passage previous. The imagery is reaching a ridiculous pitch: I am particularly fond of “four died attempting to rack up large combos.” Also, I’m glad to have clicked the footnotes. Elicited a smile.
Note 14. "Copies distributed: 2.05 million Copies sold: Several dozen (bargain bin) Total amount spent by Mr. Minomya: 2.08 billion ¥ (17 million USD) Total amount spent by developer Square Enix: 288 ¥ in parking tickets (2 USD)" Nice to put numbers to images but not particularly funny.
Note 15. "When he submitted the track list to Square-Enix for approval, the list looked like one of the What's wrong with this picture? pages on the back cover of Highlights for Kids. In an effort to outwit the brass at Square, he took the five songs by Tull on the list and listed each one under a different pseudonym without the band's permission, then buried them all under over 50 Japanese flute/Irish Whistle remixes and folk songs." Good. Elicited a laugh. The imagery is too silly. Note: I refrained from reviewing the following half of the section because I am not familiar with Jethro Tull.
Note 16. "I had to play this goddamned awful game for over ten hours just to even find one of my songs” and “It was bad enough that it was an awful game to play, but the fact that I almost went into cardiac arrest getting a 200 combo on the worst rendition of Flight of the Bumblebee I've ever heard—just to unlock one of my worse songs—was the last straw." Good. The tone effectively relays his frustration. The imagery is a kick as well. These two lines made me laugh.
Note 17. Needs a stronger conclusion. May one suggest a “critical/gamer reception” or “legacy” section?
|Concept:||8||Good concept. Parody of a ubiquitous gaming franchise. The substitution of a flute is particularly tickling because of the suggestion of flutes’ equalness if not ascendancy over the electric guitar in coolness and being totally bitchin’.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||Article employed normal, non-threatenning, and sedate English prose. If I recall correctly, I had no double-takes while reading. Formatting was easy on the eyes.|
|Images:||7||Pictures were fine. Relevant but no lols. The third picture especially feels out of place. However, the second picture is great—especially the captioning: it just needs trimming because it reads clunkily. May one suggest “No, that's not concept art or the controller: that's the goddamn real deal.”|
|Final Score:||37.5||Good concept. It is a fine article but it is not VFH quality yet. The article just needs a bit more time and creativity juice doused upon it. After that, it will be the next great killer ap. Good luck and Godspeed.|
|Reviewer:||Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 04:58, 10 April 2008 (UTC)|
Thanks for the review, I did a little pruning and I think everything will turn out alright in the end! :D