Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Firefly

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edit Firefly

A big darn review is the only hope for this rewrite. MacManiasig.png MacManiasig-cheerios.png MacManiasig-holmes.png MacManiasig-starwars.png MacManiasig-firefly.png MacManiasig-pixar.png MacManiasig-oregon.png MacManiasig-lesmiz.png MacManiasig-doctor.png 16px-HalLogo.png Portal16px.png UncycLensFlare16px.pngDalek16px.png 16px-ChekhovSig.png16px-JapanSig.png Sir MacMania GUN 21:30, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

I'll give you a review for this one. Sequence 09:47, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 6 The use of chinese characters here is a nice touch, although it will probably be immediately obvious to only those who have watched the show (although arguably they will be the ones most likely to look for the article). I noticed that you used traditional chinese characters. I can't remember if these were the ones they used in the original show. If not then maybe you should change them to the simplified characters (because simplified characters rule and traditional characters 我看不懂).
  • Intro - Not so much going on here since it is pretty much an infomation drop. You could make a joke on the naming of the word firefly and why it is called that, I think it is pretty obvious what that is.
  • Production - This section is pretty good at the moment. The comments in the format section are particularly good, such as pointing out the folly of huge explosion sounds as popularised by Star Trek. The design section is fine as well. The origin section is alright but just a bit stale. There isn't really anything that jumps out as being particularly funny but nothing that is particularly stupid. Perhaps if you were to rearrange this section somehow using some of the rules of HTBFANJS to insert a few jokes into it...because at the moment it just isn't really jumping out at me.
  • Plot synopsis - This part contains a lot of info on the characters and is kind of funny in some parts (particularly if you have seen it), e.g the part about Simon being protective of his sister when she is the strongest one there. The first two paragraphs are alright, although the only joking parts are at the end of the paragraphs. You might want to see if you can insert a joke into the middle since currently they are heavily exposition.
  • Episode table - This section seems alright. There isn't really much you can do in these sections I guess. How about trying to add some puns about the titles into the descriptions?
  • Fandom - This section is alright although nothing particularly jumps out at you except for the jokes on the browncoats. Maybe you could do something on the fanfiction as there is a lot of it considering how short the series was - http://www.fanfiction.net/tv/Firefly/.

Overall there is still a fair amount more humour that needs to be added. It isn't particularly bad at the moment, but there isn't all that much stuff that makes you laugh out loud or roll on the floor laughing. I'd say going over HTBFANJS and using that for ideas of how you can add some more jokes would probably make it go a long way.

Concept: 7 It's a well known show and it's good that you've modelled it partly off the wikipedia version, plus I like that you are addressing the show in a normal encyclopedic style rather than the stupid random style that it looked like before you rewrote it. It's got some nice parts but there aren't that many truly humorous or memorable parts in it yet. Perhaps you could try and include some of the wittycisms from the show into the article itself. Not just in the form of quotes, but adapt the jokes so that they can make sense in the context of the article. You could also expand upon the early cancellation of the series. Perhaps a section on the cancellation that is cancelled half-way through.
Prose and formatting: 9 The tone of the article used is very proper and there is nothing wrong with that as far as I can see. Keep on using a consistent tone like that throughout the article and it should be fine. The layout is also done quite well and the box and bullet points look good. There is a nice number of pictures for an article of this size. There was one small problem where the [edit] box for the production section is running into the word 'reason' (next to the wikipedia link boxes). You should probably reformat it so that it doesn't do that. You also need an 'n' before the word RPG in the intro. Overall pretty good.
Images: 8 The images are pertinent to the topic of the article although I wonder if there might be some better captions. At the moment it is a running joke about the firefly and how how the characters look (and Mal's badassery) which is alright, although not outstanding. You might want to consider coming up with different captions for them, but they do the job well enough at the moment so don't feel the need to change them if you don't want to.
Miscellaneous: 7 At the moment I probably wouldn't send this to any friends to read, but it still has a lot of unused potential. So maybe sometime in the future (that was a pun).
Final Score: 37 It's a solid article at the moment that just needs some more work to truly shine. Go through HTBFANJS and see if you can apply some of the methods they have there to the current article. It is pretty good in its current form so I'm not going to recommend any more dramatic rewriting, the humour is really the only thing holding it back at the moment so once that part is dealt with it should turn out really well.
Reviewer: Sequence 13:09, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
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