Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fiona Apple
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TPLN 04:29, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Decent I'd say. Overall, there really is nothing special here and it is very similar to other articles already written which ultimately bash people. There were some funny parts here, that were pretty original, and really made it at least a bit funny. There also were some weak parts, which ended up hurting your article by turning it into a "bash", rather than a funny article.
First funny. There were some funny parts that I'd definitely leave in. First, the idea she could only sing two notes is very funny. It was said alot and I think that helped the joke because you used it in different ways. Second, the part in the personal life that said, "This one needs help" was a laugh out loud part for some reason to me. It was pretty good. Third, the idea of using different expressions everytime you mean mean insane was pretty good. I DO suggest that you use this joke more, and come up with more expressions for insane. I think running that joke into the ground might help you out in the end.
Now for the unfunny. Although much of the unfunny is a concept problems, there are a few jokes that might be better left out. Like the one about the title being too long. Maybe instead of removing it, you should just show the title so it isn't so confusing. Also some of the mental stuff seems a bit overused in some area. This seems a bit confusing because I said I liked the insane references, so maybe my concept thoughts will help.
|Concept:||4||A bit of a problem here. The concept is VERY overused as there are many many articles that take a normal person and say how crazy they are. It is important to introduce ideas that have never been used before when it comes to writing articles like this. Which I think you did as seen in some funny parts in humor.
But what I don't like about this article, is that it goes from funny, into more of a bashing. What I mean by bashing is that you just write about how horrible she is the entire time. It is funny at first, but towards the end it gets kind of old. I think you need to find a new way to write about Apple, without just bashing her the entire time. Think of some clever fresh ideas before writing.
|Prose and formatting:||8||Very strong here. You write in a very good tone and your english is very easy to read. From what I could see, there were no spelling or grammar mistakes, and I think you were the one saying you have been working on that. If not I am sorry. But if so nice job. The pictures fit well and everything looks complete. The only problem I have, is that you should bulk it up more. I think there are enough sections, (although one more couldn't hurt), but the ones you have need more. Especially the first section. Bulking this up would make this look even more complete, and will turn the score to a 10|
|Images:||6||Decent. The pictures aren't particularly hilarious, but they deal with the topic, and help tell your story, so to speak, so they are slightly above average. They weren't random so that is good too. Each one could probably use a funnier caption but besides that decent.|
|Final Score:||30||Nice, very solid with good formatting and prose. You should work on the concept a bit before wrapping this up. I don't know how it'll do on VFH, because the topic is a bit weak, but I don't know if that is even your goal or not. If you have any questions just ask me on my talk page. Good luck!|
|Reviewer:||16:42, 18 February 2009 (UTC)|