Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Final Girl
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220.127.116.11 08:19, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Most of what is there is actually above average, the problem here is it needs expansion. You need to carry on and expand the idea of how the final girl comes to be the final girl. Go in that direction more.
I thought the first section and characteristics bit was very funny! And that’s what you need to keep up.
For the section where you describe how she becomes Final Girl you need to do more with her. Explain about the intro to the movie, introduce First, Second and Third Girl (be sure to make them as 1D as possible, and drop in the idea that Second Girl is blatantly having sex with Final Girl’s boyfriend). Do more with final girl; make her run up the stairs when the door is just beside her and things. Make it more of a story but absolutely detail-less.
"the rampaging killer/monster/vampire/werewolf/Juno " With this I’d just lump the multiple choice together into the name Mad Killer so that it fits better with the joke that all horror movie characters are generic copies of each other.
"due to her abstinence, she stabs the villain multiple times " You need to make this joke a little clearly as it took me a few seconds to get it. Try something more like “Due to her sexually repressed lifestyle she has a lot of pent up rage which eventually bubbles over causing her to kill Mad Killer in such a way that it almost isn’t self defence.”
The Current situation bit kinda spoilt it as it was a list and not very funny. Carry on the narrative that you had in previous sections explaining that “Final Girl now resides in a mental institution. The psychological scarring of watching Mad Killer kill all of her friends last summer caused her to have a break down. Mad killer is currently watching her take her medication.” Something like that, obviously that bit needs expansion I’m just showing the kind of thing I mean.
Also the “More Info” section kinda didn’t fit I’d get rid of it entirely.
|Concept:||8||We do have quite few articles in a similar style to this, ones exposing the unoriginality behind movies and such but we don’t have one for final girl, well done for noticing. Marking this down a little as you need to have more ideas behind the article which you should get from the above section. But ‘’’’’when you put in the work’’’’’ This has potential to be featured. It certainly has a good idea behind it.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||5 because it’s too short and kinda looses itself towards the end with the list and short paragraph. Expand as per Humour section and you should do fine.
Also maybe split the Characteristics section have " Final Girl has… friends are doing it " (the first paragraph) in the introduction section. Then rename “characteristics” something like “How Final Girl became Final Girl” (Or something that conveys that idea).
Also when you’re finished get UN:PS to go over your article and look for typos and spelling/grammar mistakes and such. I’m not saying I noticed any, I’m saying just in case I missed them.
|Images:||0||Oops you appear to have forgotten something. Try to get images that illustrate a joke you couldn’t fit in elsewhere and bridge the gap between it and the article with a caption. Or even a bog standard image from Google made funny by the caption. Images are vital to articles. Shame to drag your score down here as I do (for the most part) like the article.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.25||(Averaged score of other fields)|
|Final Score:||24.25||If you’d like to thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page. Also sign up! You clearly have some potential and I think you should get yourself an account and stick around. [Quick second edit] I forgot to mention that if you sign up you will have a userspace where you can edit this article at your lesure without fear of deletion. Do please sign up.|
|Reviewer:||MuCal. 16:50 19 June 2008|