Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Final Fantasy V
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I`ve been working on with this so hell long. But I think this sort of, you know, sucks. But I want to know which part sucks? Or does it suck, after all? I need answers.
edit Ceci n'est pas un revue
Unfortunately, I'm not yet qualified to give a review using the scaling system, because...I suffer from terminal laziness. Therefore, this page will remain "unreviewed" until an actual reviewer puts it through their process of reviewificationation. Anyway.
Edit: BlackFlamingo edited my review to include a table, so I am now forced to edit my un-review to NOT use weasel words, and actually give a score. Gee, thank you very hard, BlackFlamingo.
|Humour:||5||The answer your to your question, "which part sucks?" is, FROM MY PERSPECTIVE: all of it. None of the jokes actually looked like jokes - not at first, anyway - to someone who has never played any FF games (that'd be "me"). The first reading was long and boring, even though I think the length of the article is just about right, for its subject.
The opening paragraph is especially...undercooked. Instead of yanking my attention, it completely destroys the foundation of a perfectly good joke, by not following through, and by using grammar that is pure "fail":
This could be far better. Example:
(Less subtle, now. Slow, Massive Buildup...followed by Sudden, Equally-Massive Let-Down™.)
In the list of characters, this is an example of a fact that the reader should NOT be reminded of:
Satire works better when it's with a straight face. Don't remind the reader that this is not an actual Wikipedia article!
None of the character descriptions is exceptional. I do like the description of Faris, but it could benefit from the "debate" over whether or not she's a transsexual pirate. It's clear that the author loves her a liiiiittle too much. Expand on that: yes, it IS "a bit complicated." But it would be better if the author never admits that, takes it personally, and doesn't yield an inch:
Now, in the "Jobs" section, I did like the "shopkeeping" theme, where you implied that the otherwise-noble profession of keeping shop was being denigrated - DENIGRATED I TELL YOU! *SOB* - by a silly game. (Th' indignity!) That part, I think, should be expanded upon, and made over-the-top (see what I did back there?), to reach its full potential. But the list of Jobs (and their descriptions) suffers from Too Many Words And Not Enough Funny™ Syndrome. It should be trimmed. (An example: "Summoner: Summons. Duh!" Same number of words, but funnier than, the original.)
|Concept:||6||Obviously, you (and the people who edited the article before you) are attempting to approach the subject (a video game) from a straight-forward point of view (i.e., by writing the article in reference to a video game). This can be less than inspired, compared to articles, like America, which confront their subject as something completely different from what they are. I suspect Final Fantasy V might be a better article if the author seemed to think the subject was a book, or real life or such - rather than as a video game.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||The tone, grammar and spelling are inconsistent, and often very bad - although...maybe this is part of the joke? ("Herro, we are Sony Fail Transration Service! All your Engrish are berong to us! Sun speaking!") If this is the case, once again...MOAR OBVEEUS...for the dopes (me). (If not, I'm sure it wasn't your fault and I'm sorry for making fun of the way you speak! But please fix.)
Remember, tiny details like punctuation (and italics...and spelling) will make or break a joke:
With proper punctuation, a perplexed
I'm not familiar with a chocobo (is it, in fact, a hollow Chocolate hobo? If it IS, I think I want one) but now it has been identified, by the italics, as being an in-universe thing. The reader is now in on the joke. Ha-ha!s ensue.
Most of the jokes would work better if they were expository, meaning, they mocked the game whilst simultaneously explaining it for the noob (me). If the joke doesn't explain the feature/plot point, it should at least mock its complexity (as above).
|Images:||4||As for the images...well, they just don't look funny. A guy cutting down a tree...the Evil Tree is finally dead...eh. I don't get it. The main shot of the FF V cartridge - is that an actual cartridge?!? If not, why's it supposed to be amusing? I think the pics are a little too matter-of-fact. Two of them don't even have jokes in their captions. (The dancing...uh...pirate girls?...did make me giggle a little, though.)|
|Miscellaneous:||5||I have to be blunt here: I really can't say that it's a great re-write, although you don't have much to work with in the first place, as the idiots who wrote the article obviously weren't trying very hard. I can't say for certain that your rewrite is any worse than the original; I think if you improved it slightly you'd be ahead, so at this point, I think the two are dead even. (Sorry.)|
|Final Score:||25||I suppose this has promise, and I don't want to zip up, only to turn around and go No. 2 on this article, as you've said you've worked very hard on it. But because an average idiot (me) doesn't get the jokes at first sight, I think it needs more work, and I give it a score of "Incomplete. Please work on it some more, to ensure that it is Funny And Not Just Stupid™".|
|Reviewer:||10:50, July 20, 2011 (UTC)|
Thanks for helping out Mr Beaver. In future however, please just use the box provided, it won't move the page to "reviewed pee" unless you do. The review itself is decent, but is missing numeric scores. If you want to change them now feel free to do so. --Black Flamingo 13:57, July 23, 2011 (UTC)