Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fable

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edit Fable

El Cheeso 13:36, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Chief is currently reviewing this article, why not do some reviewing yourself or go and vote on VFH and/or VFD, or why not get outside for some lovely fresh air?--ChiefjusticeDS 09:02, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 1 Only one big thing to say with regard to the humour in your article, and that is that it isn't very good. You, my friend need to invest some time in reading HTBFANJS before you do anything else to this article. However rather than simply reading this guide and then still being unsure, I will give you some nudges in the right direction:

1: Ditch the sex humour: Charitably, it can be described as seriously flawed, uncharitably it can be described as being incredibly boring and with no redeeming value. You use it far too much, nobody minds a bit of this type of humour in an article, but under no circumstances should it be the cornerstone of an article. You need to find a more secure grounding for your article. Sure the game, Fable, has sex in it but it is also an RPG adventure with hundreds of other features that are much more deserving of a mention. You need to apply yourself and actually do some work rather than making up nonsense. Take a look at the Wikipedia article on Fable and ape their structure and content, just satirise it.

2: Get rid of the Oscar Wilde quotes and all the other sporadic quotes as well. As you will find out when you (hopefully) visit HTBFANJS Oscar Wilde was a witty and highly intelligent man, I do not ever see the man who wrote 'The Importance of Being Earnest', a play that still receives critical acclaim all over the world, as making a comment such as the ones you include. You also seem to have decided that putting items in quotes is some kind of shortcut to funny, it isn't. Look at the Wikipedia article, you see the number of quotes they have used? That is the amount you should have in here.

3:Bulldoze everything you have already written and start again. As I see it you are very lucky that an Admin has not happened upon it so far otherwise it would be into VFD before you could say "But I spent ages on it". The best thing to do here is start from the ground up, if you decide that you don't want to do it then shove this template - {{rewrite}} - onto the page and at least let someone else have a go. Some very serious work is needed here.

Concept: 2 The idea behind the article is good even if your execution of it is badly flawed. As I said above, the best place for you to head for ideas on this article is to Wikipedia, they have a great deal of information on the game readily available for you to satirise. You should also aim to copy their tone if you decide to rewrite. Instead of referring to the reader with 'You', you should refer to 'the player', this takes you out of the attached first person into the detached third person. However, you should only bare this in mind if you start rewriting, because going through and changing everything before that will not help your article at all.
Prose and formatting: 3 Your spelling and grammar is reasonable, fortunately. However the formatting is not good, almost every section contains a quote and this breaks up the article in a way that is unnecessary and unattractive. You have one image for the amount of text and this is nowhere near enough, any article needs images, a video game article most of all. The article feels confused and is, more than anything, headache inducing to read and attempt to understand. You need to work on remedying this.
Images: 1 You have one image right now and to be blunt about it, it sucks. The reason it sucks is that it tells us nothing about the game and it is irrelevant to what you are actually talking about, it is also accompanied by a caption that attempts to be funny but ends up tripping over itself. You need more images, again the Wikipedia page has some and so does Google, get some, put them in, that template on the page is asking people to contribute some, but the only reason it is there as far as I can see is because you are either too lazy to do it yourself or you don't know how, either way it needs to be sorted out.
Miscellaneous: 1.5 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 8.5 This article is, in it's current state, appallingly bad, you need to try and fix it or at least take steps to allow someone else to do so, in order to save it from deletion. If you need help or guidelines feel free to ask me on my talk page, you can get there via this link, I am around a fair amount and will always be happy to help someone who really wants to make their work better. As has already been suggested to you, you can also bring some of our most experienced editors straight to your aid with Adopt-a-n00b, which you should really consider joining, as it could do wonders for your writing and humour. Good luck making any edits and remember, if you have issues with my comments from this review direct them to an Administrator or my talk page, do not vandalise or blank the review.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 09:43, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
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