Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/ExOps (2nd Review)

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edit ExOps

Please leave me a message when you're done. Thanx! Clay men are just like slugs-they have no basis in reality 21:55, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

I imagine that you would rather I did not do this one? Correct? --ChiefjusticeDS 22:15, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

no, you may as well do this. I redid it.
Humour: 4 I am gratified that you have changed some aspects of the article. As I read them your additions are amusing and exactly the style that I like to see done effectively. However, while these new parts are excellent, my prior comments about the early text endures. This needs to be re-examined and possibly expanded, the list would be a great deal more welcome if the organisation were fully explained so that we could place much of these events and vehicles in context. Try making up events and then citing the vehicle and it's use in said events rather than simply providing an explanation of the vehicle. Your additional comments on characters are also a very welcome addition but, the throwaway statements, while funny sporadically, are not funny at all in places and I would recommend a more detailed approach to the character summaries.
Concept: 5 The additions make a very nice change to your article but ultimately they need to be much more in depth, the section that I felt needed the most attention was the very first paragraph (see above). Ultimately my comments on your concept remain unchanged, your idea is flexible and has a huge amount of potential, all that is missing is the effort to get the execution right.
Prose and formatting: 3 Your additions of more prose merit a slightly higher score, however they do not deal with the issues that I already pointed out, you need to expand them and reconsider them, what you have done in the offices section is a good example of the humour I would hope to see emulated throughout the article, please reconsider the first paragraph. As far as spellchecking goes, if you did proofread it then I suggest you get somebody else to double check. Also, something that caught my eye was the Unarmed/Light vehicles section. The slash is usually put in for words that are interchangeable, yet your first vehicle listed in this section has a mounted gun. While this is minor it does look unprofessional and I would suggest you reword it as Light Vehicles.
Images: 6 Your images are getting there and do exactly what you need them to do, the captions amused me and I am pleased to see you introduce a new logo. My previous point still stands that the issue is not the images that are currently there, but the lack of other images to compliment the text. Images can go a long way to making your text amusing and coming up with a couple more, certainly for the employees section is a must.
Miscellaneous: 4 My overall grade of the article
Final Score: 22 It is encouraging to see that you have made an effort to address some of the issues that I pointed out in the last review. I think your article has all it needs already and all you need to do now is work with what you have, rather than add in new sections. Reconsider the entire article, objectively is you can, and try and take some hints from other authors and you have the makings of a very solid article. Good luck with any edits.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 07:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
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