Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Etowah County, Alabama

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Revision as of 02:48, July 4, 2009 by Saberwolf116 (talk | contribs)

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edit Etowah County, Alabama

This is my first article, which I spent alot of time on, so please go easy on me, lol.

Razgriz4977 20:12, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 1 Welcome to Uncyclopedia, Razgriz! It's nice to see you've started on your first article. However, your article has many flaws that need to be corrected. First off, your article doesn't really talk much about the county itself; all it basically says is "this place sucks". Your sections on people and forests really feel like seperate articles, because they have nothing to do with the article itself. As a general rule, you need to have a consistent theme throughout the article. Don't just throw in a bunch of stereotypes under a common label- make an effort to connect them all so that they share the same underlying concept. For example, don't just talk about the residents, talk about how the residents interact, or which group is the majority and which group is the minority. Your second problem is that you have a very problematic concept, which i'll get into below.
Concept: 2 Writing an article about a specific town or county is always very difficult, typically because it's very hard to write jokes that people who aren't from the area would find funny. If you're from here, I think you should take a look at UN:VAIN- we don't really care about people you know, so i'd recommend you get rid of any personal acquaintances you might have mentioned in the article to avoid VFD. If you're not from here, then you need to tell some jokes with a more universal appeal- maybe you could portray this town as a stereotypical southern town, and write with a deep south accent? Or, you could write the article as if it was a tourist attraction that sounds unattractive? Should you choose the latter, I would recommend taking a look at Welcome to Biscathorpe!. Whatever you decide to do, the bottom line is that you can't have jokes that are along the lines of "had to be there". If you haven't already, take a look at HTBFANJS and BGBU- they are very helpful guides that will give you a good idea of what we find funny around here.
Prose and formatting: 3.5 Well, there are two things that jump out at me in particular: first, you have a lot of quotes. Uncyclopedia stopped using quotes around early 07', and these days they're just considered unnecessary cruft, so i'd recommend you get rid of them. The other problem is that some of your sections are very long, whereas some other sections are very short. Typically, you want to balance out your article so that the text isn't ery hard to read, but also so that it doesn't look like an abandoned WIP. This may be a bit of self-promotion, but take a look at my recently featured article UnBooks:A Day In the Life of Armond White- noticed I have more or less the same amount of text in each section? That's the kind of thing you should try aiming for. You also have a few spelling errors here and there, so i'd recommend you proofread this.
Images: 4 Your second image is alright, but again, it's sort of an inside joke. Your first image is...umm...disturbing. I think you should replace that with a standard image, because this is just odd. In terms of new pictures, go along the lines of amusing pictures of famous residents, or well known landmarks.
Miscellaneous: 2 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 12.5 Your article is pretty rough, and understandably so- we all have to start somewhere, and most users' first article are pretty bad. However, with some work, you can improve this quite a bit. To recap: expand your concept so that it has more universal jokes- keep in mind we have plenty of non-American users on Uncyclopedia. Also, remember to make sure that you keep all of your sections under one concept- don't just throw anything off the top of your head, have a style set. Like I said above, you might want to take a look at HTBFANJS and BGBU- they are both very helpful even to veteran users.

Bottom Line: Expand your concept so that it appeals to more people, even out your sections more. Good luck! =)

Reviewer: Saberwolf116 02:48, 4 July 2009 (UTC)
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