Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ethnicity

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edit Ethnicity

Some satire from my back closet. Polished, dusted off, pictures hung. ~ T. (talk) 14:51, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

Ok ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 07:13, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
Frosty, thanks for this very thorough and useful review. I've mixed it up a little bit more in the sections you suggested, and will continue to make tweaks. Good to know that it's nearly there because I'd tweaked it about as much as I could without a second opinion. ~ T. (talk) 11:08, July 16, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 8 Alright there is a great deal of good racial satire in this article, but I can't help but think varying your humor in this article would be a nice idea. Put simply it's all pretty much the same, poking fun at racial stereotypes. Mind you what content you have included is very funny and extremely well executed. I'll go through this is detail now.

Introduction - This is exactly the right length of an introduction for a topic like this, to make it ever better it's hilarious. Good racial based satire, combining a lot of fundamental stereotypes the reader knows of and therefore can relate to and find funny. This is critical for the articles success and you couldn't have done it any better. Whilst some might find is somewhat racist (and indeed your hole article), any intelligent person can figure its good satire, so I can't offer much advice to improve this.

Causes - The introduction to this section of blindingly stating the obvious is pretty well done. The wording also pretty sophisticated and evidently well though out. My main concern is that by this point the racial based satire, sarcasm, etc. Is starting to get a bit dull. Perhaps sourcing it from another source associated with ethnicity would be better, I notice you spoke of religious factors, I propose you try and actively use religious and other themes more in your article rather than such racial themes. None the less what you have is very funny and well done.

Symptoms - Alright this section is perfection. It's varied unlike the previous section. It's use of racial, religious, cutural and behavioral characteristics to create satire is a lot better in this section as it's more varied and less predictable than your previous section. I love this a lot!

Prognosis - I don't know about this section. I think perhaps a final conclusion of the effects of ethnicity would be better than what you currently have. Treating it like a disease isn't exactly the best idea in my opinion and I think a conclusion style paragraph would be a better alternative, but that's just my personal opinion.

To sum it all up, I think this is a genuinely funny article with good themes and ideas, what needs to happen is a better balance be struck with these themes.

Concept: 9 A brilliant concept accompanies this article. Good racial based satire, whilst keeping to essentially the definition of ethnicity without going too absurd, have produced an exceptional concept throughout your entire article. It also shows you are a highly capable writer with a good understanding of the subject matter.

But as I mentioned before its far too similar in its themes, which brought it down from a 10 out of 10, mind you it's the least of your worries.

Prose and formatting: 9.5 This article is very well formatted. Inter-wiki links are consistent and well used, the paragraphs are also well spaced out, are he right length etc. But my one problem is the the entire right hand side is images, like the entire column. Is that intentional and a good thing? Well I think perhaps it's not such a good idea but it's perhaps unavoidable and better than all the alternatives.

I think this is a well formatted article!

Images: 9 A wide variety of images used to display the stereotypes of ethnicity and what they entail. The captions and images themselves are very funny and well suited to the subject matter. They are also of a high quality and resolution, something I sadly see a number of articles lack in. But as I mentioned before perhaps aligning them all on the right hand side isn't such a good idea. But aside from that, I love your choice of pictures.
Miscellaneous: 10 Overall rating of 10.
Final Score: 45.5 Very funny article. Lots of good themes that perhaps need balancing and the formatting needs a tad of alterations. From where I see this, this is a good article that needs a bit of tweaking to perfection. I'd also like to see this on VFH!
Reviewer: ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au
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