Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Escape The Fate
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Bythenine! 03:18, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
Oi. Let's do this. @ 15:04 Dec 2
Pee Review In Progress
Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by:
|Humour:||2||Alright, I'm actually writing this review in order for once. I feel your humor and your concept are pretty close together as far as what needs attention, so I'll try to address both in their appropriate section as best as I can without the two running together.
And I mean it when I say that they need attention. There is almost no humor value in this article...at all. In my inital skimming over of this article, I saw Jango Fett, Mace Windu, and Oscar Wilde all mentioned. I don't know anything about Escape The Fate, but I'm almost certain that these people were never members at any given time. When people look up Escape The Fate on Uncyclopedia, they should find an article about what they were looking for, not an article about Jango Fett.
Then I did a more in-depth reading of this article. Your first sentence sums up your article quite nicely, in that you are setting the stage for what did eventually turn out to be a pretty piss-poor effort: "Escape The Fate is a homosexuel American Post-shitcore band (not to be confused with Escape The Fat, a weight loss régime invented by jabba the hut) from Las Vegas, Kazakhstan." Shitcore is not a real genre, Jabba the Hut has nothing to do with this article, and you say they are both American and from Kazakhstan. This is not satire. Calling them gay is not satire, because a lot of people don't like this band and call them gay. Making up cities is not funny, because anyone can sit here and rattle off a list of made up cities. Escape The Fat may have some redeeming value, but it certainly does not in its current state. I don't give a shit about Star Wars if I'm looking up Escape The Fate. If I wanted to read about Star Wars, I would have typed in Star Wars and not Escape The Fate.
Think about this. (And I'm lifting this directly from HTBFANJS) Misdirection would make this a fantastic article. Know what rock band related article just recently got featured? Iron Maiden. Did they say that Iron Maiden was the gayest band ever that likes to fuck small children with Georgia fruit trees? No, they said that Iron Maiden was a Christian rock band, which is the opposite of what they actually are. The entire article was about Iron Maiden and made no mention of Star Wars. This is satire, because I know that Iron Maiden is certainly not a Christian band, and yet this article says that they are. That's funny. This is just restating what people already know or may think about this band. This is not satire. You have a lot of work to do. I don't think there is anything redeemable about this article at all, and needs a rewrite more than anything else.
|Concept:||1||Let's talk more about your concept. So, you start off by saying that these guys are all gay. Who cares? Call me a bleeding heart liberal if you want, but I can think of way funnier things than being gay. You need something stronger for this article. More importantly, you need something relevant.
Alright, let's work with this. So what are the facts? Escape The Fate is an emo/post-hardcore band that sings a lot of songs about death and such. How can we spin this? Maybe they're a children's band with their own TV show, like the Wiggles. That would be similar to the Iron Maiden article, as far as misdirection goes.
But wait, there are other things we can do here. What if you wanted to really satirize people that love this band? Write the entire thing from that character's point of view. This is one of my favorite writing techniques and I employ this often. "Omg! I <3 etf! I hav them as th profile song on mi myspaec prof!" Or, try to make it biased, yet still encyclopedic. "Escape The Fate's lyrics represent all that is in pain with the world. Because so many people are dying inside, they listen to Escape The Fate because the band members have all dealt with their own individual struggles, such as their parents."
Any of the above techniques would make for one laugh riot. Having a good concept makes the article practically write itself. If you do decide to rewrite this, I would recommend using one of these concepts or using some other writing techniques found at HTBFANJS.
|Prose and formatting:||3||I don't have too much to say here that hasn't already been said. Frequent spelling errors, some ugly formatting, and other grammatical issues all make this a pretty ugly looking article. If you would like further help with this aspect, please let me know, but I think this is the least of your concerns right now.|
|Images:||2||Like the formatting, I don't think this is such a big deal. With better humor and better ideas come better images. Your current images are quite lacking. I'll say it one more time: Jango Fett does not belong in this article.|
|Miscellaneous:||2||Averaged your scores.|
|Final Score:||10||This article needs a lot of work. Please don't be discouraged by this review. Instead, learn from it and become a better writer because of it. Writing is very much trial and error. While I consider this article to be more or less a failure in its current state, there is no reason why you could not rewrite it and make this a featurable article. It's just going to take a lot of work. Pleasepleaseplease contact me on my talk page if you need anything else. Cheers.|
|Reviewer:||@ 15:28 Dec 2|