Okay, I've been working on this for a while and think it's time to put it up for review. I came up with this gag a while ago and was told I should put it up on the site... so I did. This article's a bit darker than some other stuff I've done, so lets see how it does.
PsychotypeD 05:12, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
Alright, the only major problem I see with this article, is simply that it has been done before. Many people have taken something cute and childish like this, and saying its hell and stuff like that. It still works and is funny, but I just wanted to say that before I started. I usually review by section but since there are only three I will just do all at once. Like all your other stuff, I think its really funny, and it all flows with each other. Two parts you may consider taking out or revising is the part about the Christian version of the game of life, which either I just don't get, or something else. There are lots of other board games or versions of them you could probably think of which could be much funnier. Secondly, the end seems very weak. The part about dropping the pants and stuff all seems a bit random. Besides that I like it all. Oh ya, and the crucifying part was a bit weird too.
Again, like I said at the beginning, this has been done before, which isn't horrible because many jokes are funny again and again and again. This isn't the most original concept or anything, but you make it work and it is very funny still. Consider taking out parts about Christianity though because that turns it from dark to offensive to some people...I think. Just to be safe I would do it, those parts aren't necessary or funny anyways.
Prose and formatting:
This is very well written with no red links and very few gramatical errors. The pictures fit in well and it is pretty readable. It might be helpful to consider fleshing out your last section about the end though, because it leaves the ending very weak, but if you have no more material than its good to just stop when your ahead.
I always love those images of normal people doing a random thing and a doll staring at them in the background. The pictures were probably the best part, except you should have added one towards the end. That's all I really have to say on that though.
Very good, I have seen and read this kind of stuff before, but it was still fun to read and you did a nice job pulling it off. Good work!