Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Elevator (2nd opinion)
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Hi. I hope you'll review this. I recently did a major rewrite of this once-awful article. Kit paddle already did a fine review, but even so, I'd like your opinion of it. Thanks!
• • • 17:36, Jan 23
|Humour:||8.5||I thought the humor was very well-rounded, for the most part. The concept is really the focal point of the whole article, and it is difficult to separate the two for judgement, but I'll see what I can do.
The Spanish Inqusion's role was an inspired idea, and really, that has to be one of the best parts of the article, however, the section on George O. Squier was kind of confusing in places, like the word "Muzak" leading to the invention of elevator music. Be careful with the streches, they confuse the general public. Other than that, though, the first section is solid, save for the photo. Maybe I'm missing something, but that... was not funny.
On to the torture method section, once again, the everyday expeiriance of the dreaded elevator really makes the humor shine like a light bulb, and really contributes to the beleivability. The only real problem I see is the "head squish" method. While funny, it wounds the closeness to the truth, which wrecks the consitancy, too, and without the photo demonstration, it would be a bit random. If you can think of a better method of driving rebels insane there, for example, the more conceivable arm/foot-in-the-door fear, it would really pop the small zit on the section. The "Mr. Smith" idea was quite good, and the CEO idea golden, too.
Not much else to pick at here, pretty solid humor. Nice work.
|Concept:||8.5||The idea of elevators being instruments of torture intended to scare employees into behaving is one of the best conspiracy theories I've seen on Uncyclopedia yet. The things to pick at for humor are intmately linked to those of the humor, so my reasons are listed there.
Once again, applause.
|Prose and formatting:||7.5||A few problems here and there, but nothing unfixable.
First off, the photos are all on the right of the page, making it look awfully lopsided, at least to me. try alligning half of the photos left, and that will pop yet another zit on the page, in less than twenty-nine seconds, guranteed.
Next, the voice of the article shifts from section to section. While this is acceptable, I suppose, for the centerpart with the CEO-type thinking, the ending has lost all the seirousness that was presented at the start. The sooner this is fixed, the better.
The rest is on average, acceptable P&F.
|Images:||6.5||The images are by far the worst part of the article. There are a few too many for this size of article, and relying on a photo to have a joke make sense is a very bad idea.
The Early Elevator image makes no sense, and should be scrapped imeadiatly. As well, the head asplosion GIF is a joke played on way too often, and really doesn't need to be there. Simply finding another image will help the article a lot.
The captions are really the only redeeming point of the excess of images, so I recomend doing some "surgery" to some images.
Also: LEFT FORMAT.
|Final Score:||38.5||A work of fair talent, this article is not far off for featurability. In need of some lengthening, and some cleanup here and there, but this is a solid idea, that, with a bit of development, could be one of the best toture-related articles yet.|
|Reviewer:||Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 02:22, 25 January 2009 (UTC)|