Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Eeyore

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edit Eeyore

Mister Six 21:04, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

UUtea A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter UU Manhole
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).

OK, I'll take a look. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:24, 11 February 2008 (UTC)

Brace yourself, this may not be pretty, but remember: it's not meant to be personal, just honest.

Humour: 3 Hmm, well, it's quite short, and the main thrust seems to be "Eeyore is gloomy, so he's an Emo". Emo humor is getting old, and is better as one of a raft of jokes in an article. Unfortunately, there's not much else here. The Emo-Hitler bit is random, which is not good. However, I do like the idea of him getting beaten for the part of Donkey in Shrek despite being the only donkey up for the part. That tickled me. Then you go and finish with a list. See UN:LIST - these are rarely a great idea, as the best ideas in them can usually be better expressed in proper prose.
Concept: 4 There's not much to it, and that's the problem. You've got a thin idea - Eeyore=Miserable=Emo - and not really worked it well. I'd recommend a rethink of your concept first and foremost - you'll find if you really get a good central idea, a decent article kind of writes itself.
Prose and formatting: 5 There's not much, but what's there is competently formatted and written, so that gets an "average" score from me. I did make a couple of tweaks though.
Images: 5 There are a couple, they are relevant, and it's around about the right number for the article. Neither of them add a huge amount though, so that's another average 5.
Miscellaneous: 4.3 Averaged. Thanks for noticin' me.
Final Score: 21.3 OK, this looks like one of your first articles, am I right? The score is nothing to worry about - some of our best writers started out writing stuff worse than this, and you do have a couple of ideas to work with, but you need to do some serious work to bring them out. Think about my comments below and give it some more work. And don't be discouraged by the score please - improve the hell out of it and show me what you can really do!
Reviewer: --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:48, 11 February 2008 (UTC)


OK, comments:

Well, you need more content, and I think you need to take this away from the Eeyore=Emo thing a bit. Refer to it here and there, but don't make it the focus of the article. Instead, how about this: he's painfully aware of his image, and wants to change it? That would explain his desire to move into out and out comedy with Shrek and so forth. That then gives you opportunity to poke fun at the depressed thing, while having fun showing him attempting to showcase his happy-go-lucky side. The fact that he keeps failing to do this doesn't make him realise that maybe the image is deserved, just deepens his sense of being misunderstood. Played the right way, that could give you a lot of different ways to expand this into interesting places.

Of course, it's also just a suggestion off the top of my head. You may come up with a much better idea of your own, and if so then go for your life - but do take the time to expand it beyond what you have here. As it is, I don't think it's in much danger of deletion, but it's not that special either - so put in the spadework and make it special!

As ever, remember that this is only my opinion - others are available - but I wish you luck! Hope I helped! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:48, 11 February 2008 (UTC)

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