Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ed Gein

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edit Ed Gein

Schism1985 22:23, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 4.5 First off, I don't know if anybody has told you this, but long lists of quotes are now considered cliched, and are generally not encouraged in a good article. You shouldn't put quotes unless it's really, really, really, really, really funny. I know this can be a bit confusing, when you see that almost every article has Oscar Wilde quotes and such, but the thing is, the good articles - the featured ones, especially - don't have them.

Secondly, the surest and easiest way to writing a good article is having a good concept. A good concept can do wonders, and can sometimes write half your article for you. It's like a shortcut if you will. It is very hard for an article with a bunch of unrelated jokes strung together to be funny (however, it is not impossible, it just takes a lot of skill). Your humour suffers because you don't have a good concept tying everything together. It is also a very short article, so I think it could use more length.

Concept: 4.5 The concept is very important and you should spent some time thinking about it. I've got some random and somewhat deranged suggestions for you, mostly from bits that I picked up from what is in your article, which I think you can develop. It would be nice if you can come up with your own, but if you want, pick one or two and don't use the all concepts at once.
  • The Martha Stewart quote - somehow relating the serial killing to interior decorating - you've already got "furniture which had been fashioned out of human flesh", so, you know, naturally, how?
  • This is not something I got from the article, but then again it sort of is. I accidentally read your "post-mortem" as "post-modern" (I'm sorry for my inner hipster), and so it gave me this idea: that Ed Gein was a great post-modern artist who would arrange his victims according to Cubist sensibilities.
  • From the Wikipedia article: Ed Gein was brought up in some sort of crazy fundamentalist household - surely there is some joke you can make about fundamentalist Christians? I mean, how can you resist making fun of them? Surely?
  • Another one: Films exaggerate their serial killers based on Ed Gein, as you mentioned in your "media influences". You can develop this and turn this into a satire on thriller/detective/psychological films - how they portray a certain kind of serial killer (for the viewing public) to make money and such. You could also do some satire on the detectives, the law enforcement, and things.
  • Another one: It seems that in your article there is a theme that his odd behaviour is very obvious, but not to the townspeople. It can be funnier if you make the townspeople's ignorance more over the top, for instance, a satire on the narrow-mindedness of those people. This brings to mind an episode of Micheal Moore's Adventures in a TV Nation, where Micheal Moore hired some guy to move in to a place, and pretend to do serial killer stuff (like satanism, chainsaws in the middle of the night), and nobody took any notice or reported the guy. Also you can mention something about how the alienating treatment of the townspeople made Ed's condition worse, as hinted in your section "Early life".
  • Also, as another method to satirise the movies, you could blur Ed Gein with the fake movie serial killers. (Wow, that's enough, I'm on a roll today!)
Prose and formatting: 7 I thought you didn't have many problems with spelling or grammar. As I said, you used too many quotes, including in the middle of the article you used two long quotes. I don't know if this is such an advisable method. If you want a less encyclopedic tone, however, you could interrupt the exposition with psychoness or something. They could be in short bursts, not all at once like you have done.

In your "Early Life", when you use a quote that is grammatically part of a sentence, it should not be this long. It reads really awkwardly. I recommend you break it up, or if you must, quote is as a full sentence.

Images: 5 You only have 1, which I guess is ok considering your length. It won't hurt to have more and if you decide to expand it, you should get more. Also, we people who can't photoshop compensate by putting witty captions and sizing the image as big as possible without other people complaining about it. If you are also one of us, this method can help. Alternatively, you can request images.
Miscellaneous: 5.5 A random and arbitrary score. The usual stuff, my scores are a bit arbitrary so don't emphasize on them. When I review I like to throw around random alternatives that just pop into my head, so exercise caution when you choose to use them. I also reread my review and realise I sounded a bit choppy and incoherent...so erm...I hope it's not a big problem.
Final Score: 26.5 If you want further clarification or help or feedback or have objections or stuff, go to my talk page.
Reviewer: ~Scriptsiggy.JPGTelephonesig Star Starsig Kidneysig 15:58, Dec 19, 2009
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