Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Driving in Bucharest (secundă)

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Revision as of 16:31, October 14, 2008 by Necropaxx (talk | contribs)

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edit Driving in Bucharest

I got a really good review from Gerry, and I've taken his advice. Now I want to see how well it's doing (well, yeah, shit, but how shit?). –—Hv (talk) 2/09 17:38

Humour: 8 I read this article while PLS Summer '08 was going on and thought it was one of the best up there. I was surprised to see this wasn't featured yet. Let's go in-depth, shall we...?
  • Intro -- 10/10 --I loved this opening. You start off by casually crushing our pitiful American/English egos with your tales of insane driving experiences in Bucharest, which immediately draws the reader in. The reader has tasted the greatness of driving in Bucharest, and is hungry for more. My only, tiny suggestion is in the last sentence, replace "experience" with "adventure" and "recorded" with "experienced."
  • In town -- 8.5/10 --This section continues the good writing in the intro by skillfully contrasting driving in the West and in Romania. However, you trip up the flow with a tongue-tying sentence in the first paragraph. "Basically everyone on the road that get in your way when you are constantly driving at two hundred kilometers an hour." This sentence is the only thing holding back this section. Solve it by adding an "s" to "get". That's it.
  • Sweet Sweeping Roads -- 7/10 --nice section, good writing, but it seems rather short. Perhaps you could combine it with the Regulations section? They are both rather similar.
  • Mountain Paths -- 7.5/10 --this section, while continuing the excellent tone, struggles somewhat. I feel that the section would benefit from a proofreading, especially grammar. It gets confusing at times, especially the last sentence.
  • Regulations --9/10 --this is a great conclusion section. I have no issues with the actual section, just where the section is placed. Try combining it with Sweet Sweeping Roads, and place the conglomerate at the end. Also, why is it called regulations?
  • Disputes --6/10 --this section is confusing. It doesn't really fit in with the other sections, plus its grammar is odd, and it should not be the final section. You may want to consider removing it, or if not, move it more so to the middle.
Concept: 8.5 3.5/5 for picking a funny, yet unexpected concept to write about, 5/5 for your execution. I have no suggestions on how to improve the concept except perhaps you could add a section of the narrator bragging about his past driving exploits.
Prose and formatting: 8.5 Your prose is excellent. I love the point of view that you wrote in; it is several times funnier than if you had written it in, say, encyclopedic tone. On the subject of formatting, the few suggestions I have are these: shorten the second picture a little bit, because of the white space below it. Also, expand the Disputes section, and switch it with the Regulations section to smooth out the flow of the article.
Images: 8 Three images, all of them good in context. While the two first pics aren't stand-alone funny, you make them very good with funny captions. However, in the third pic the situation is reversed. You have a potentially hilarious picture, but its potential is diminished somewhat because of a weak caption. Instead, I would make a joke similar to the first pic. Something like, "When driving in Bucharest, you make your own parking space!"
Miscellaneous: 8.3 Averaged all your scores.
Final Score: 41.3 Make these few changes I've suggested and your article is a shoo-in for VFH. Also, Îmi place de plăcintă.
Reviewer: Necropaxx (T) {~} 16:31, Oct 14
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