Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Drive-thru

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edit Drive-thru

I know this could use some more pictures, but I'm not sure what they should be.--Snake7 02:10, 16 February 2009 (UTC) Snake7 02:10, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Outhouse   Tagstit   doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.

While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list.

Humour: 9 Stong, stong, stong, STRONG humor here. I openly admit I was laughing out loud at more than a few parts in this hilarious article. No offense, but I really didn't understand how funny you could actually be until I read this. The jokes all worked perfectly and it has a lighthearted tone to it to really make it readable. Strong areas were the part with the I have your daughter and him not having one, the part about the chicken sandwich, and the "I will miss you once you leave". Just hilarious for some reason. Also the part about the mayonaise and calling him Dan, and the well we can't seem to agree on anything here were amazing. Brilliant work here. By the way, I don't think I have ever given a 10 for humor. Oh ya, nevermind, I had to bump it down to a nine because of the "I'll kill you part" wasn't too good.
Concept: 6 Well, I don't really know what to say about the concept. I mean, it is obviously pulled off the right way, but the prose leaves it not encyclopedic, and kind of throws the whole thing off. But it is just an average concept, just really funny. I really don't know if people will put it on the front page, but if they do that's good, but you will first need to work on the horrible, horrible, horrible prose.
Prose and formatting: 1 Haha, you thought this was going to be a sweet and perfect review huh? Well I am sorry to tell you this, but simply put, the prose and formatting is putrid. I think I even smelt a bad fume while reading it. It is so horrible, that I have to break it up into three sections! But don't take it too hard, its still good! =)

First, the writing, there were SO many just minor errors throughout that were just simple and easy to catch. I will list em all right now.

  • I'm just goanna get something to eat.
    • Should be: I'm just gonna get something to eat.
  • Is that to much to ask for
    • Should be: Is that too much to ask for
  • Customer: ‘‘‘ For god's sake, why not?
    • Should be: For god's sake, why not?
  • ‘‘‘Customer: Goodbye. Now hurry up!
    • Should be: Customer: Goodbye. Now hurry up!
  • (gets out of the car
    • Should be: (Gets out of the car
  • The customer quickly tries to look the door but is not fast enough.
    • Should be: The customer quickly tries to lock the door but is not fast enough.
  • slams it shut on the drivers fingers)
    • Should be: slams it shut on the driver's fingers)
  • Common. I like are conversations.
    • Should be: Come on. I like are conversations.
  • Come on. I like are conversations.
    • Come on. I like our conversations.

And those were just the ones I caught. Go through a few times to catch these simple mistakes because there are plenty more.

Next, bolding. You bold things for emphasis which is a problem. If you are using bold for the names of the speakers during your article, you should use italics or ALL CAPS to express emotion. This way, your article will look cleaner and will be less confusing to the reader.

Finally, you gotta get this out of Drive-thru. This isn't a normal encyclopedic article. All I can see it as is as a Drive-thru Unscripts. It could be humorous in that way if you worked on it. Just a suggestion if and its there if you want it.

Images: 2 Well, another disappointment. You got a few police with guns and a jar of mayonaisse. And not even good captions to go with them. You definitely need a better caption or better pictures because it really weakens the effect when you have such horrible pictures. Also, more should be added for an article of this size because there is too much white space.
Miscellaneous: 7 Averaged, plus two because it really was good despite a few errors.
Final Score: 25 Well, the score speaks for itself. It is a bit awkward and doesn't really have a place among this site so you will have to squeeze it in by chaning the name. You will also have to fix the prose for SURE, and the images to really wrap this up for VFH. Very good otherwise. Great job! If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck bud!
Reviewer: ~SirTagstitVFHNotMPEEINGCPTRotMBFF 07:20, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

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