I may get to this when I'm done with the one I'm doing, but this is open to anyone still, If It has not been done I'll get to it--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 22:21, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
I think the jokes you put into the article were rather nice, only a couple falling short of being mildly funny. Not because of how you presented them, but the jokes themselves. The fact that you stuck to the whole 'sex' background hows nice consistency, you drug it into the ground without pulling something too new along with it. It'd be nice if you added more jokes other than sex and being gay.
Gay jokes are never going to go out anytime soon, but the fact that you made it one big gay joke seems a bit childish and overplayed. It's always nice to see a good joke that doesn't involve yo momma, being gay, or Chuck Norris. You could improve by throwing in something to the 'story' that doesn't involve being gay, but keep using it as your main concept would probably be a good idea.
Prose and formatting:
Actually pretty good. If there's one thing I must praise you on it's the formatting. You did a decent job with it and I don't see too much to improve.
They're all pictures of basically the same thing. A sex scene with a party member. I know that you base your article off these, but something different than what I just saw would be nice. Try adding something different if you can.
For effort. I can see you at least tried, and stayed consistent with your 'storyline.' However, you accomplished this a bit too much. Of course randomly throwing some random joke in there trying to spice it up by being random isn't the solution, but breaking off a bit from that linear path would be smart.