Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Dr. Nefarious

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edit Dr. Nefarious

Don't piss on this... I suggest you review this only if you know what Ractchet & Clank is.

Mad Scientist Adam Mada 00:04, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

I'm doing this! --Some Idiot Image002 10:03, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 5 In this section I will go through each section and detail some improvements you could make.
  • Introduction: Ok. This is... ok. I just want to tell you what an introduction is suppost to do: tell the reader what the article is about. Now, maybe you've assumed that anyone looking up this guy would know who Dr Nefarious is, but you still have to describe him and tell us who he is. This may put up the quality of your introduction, but at the moment it is rather unfunny. The quotes are rather dull and random as well. He's a robot... I'm sure you could so something funnier. "Ha! I'm way tougher then him! What a little wuss..." - Terminator.
  • Early Life: Tsk tsk... such a good idea, but you haven't done it that well. A robot's early life? This could be hilarious. Detail more about his school life, how everything teased him about being metal. Maybe something like this made him go mad and evil? This part has potential to be great, you've just got to slow down and really juice out this subject.
  • Media Connections: This is pretty good, but detail more about the TV and Radio channels and shows he went on. Can you tell us about the reaction from the viewers and listeners?
  • Dr. Nefarious's speech: Yeah, ok I suppose. I think you should actually tell us a bit clearer in the introduction that he is homosexual, however.
  • Deadly War Strategist: Good introduction.
  • Generals: You’ve mentioned the Butler a few times throughout the article. Maybe you should go into more detail about who he is in the introduction?
  • Courtney Gears: Yes, pretty good.
  • Courtney Gear's Songs: Why on earth are you listing them here? Has that anything to do with Nefarious?
  • Rob the Robot: Being an avid reader of MAD Magazine I find this good, but you still go into more detail. How did he recruit Rob? When did they meet?
  • Irken Alliance: Yes, this is pretty good.
  • More Recent Years: Err… pretty random. You’re sure you can do a bit better than this? I don’t know, it doesn’t fit with the rest of the article.

This score is just below average, because I believe it definitely has improvents in the way of humor.

Concept: 7 Good concept, though you still have room to build on some of your ideas as I have detailed above. You continually remind us that he is gay, so your article has bit of meaning.
Prose and formatting: 4 This section really does hurt your article. First of all, you writing style. It feels to me rather rushed, and to add to that your spelling and grammar isn’t that great. I recommend you put the {{Proofread}} template on your page, or copy your article onto a Word document and do a spell check. You also needto slow down and make the general style of writing a bit slower and much clearer.

With the problem of formatting, there are a few tips I want to give you here.

  • Your pictures are rather all over the place. Try and make them around the same size and spread them out around your article. This is the biggest problem with your formatting.
  • I think your ‘Generals’ section should be a second level header (with two equals signs).
  • You have some unnecessary gaps between paragraphs that look rather ugly. Delete these.
  • His speech section should be a third level heading, with three equals signs, as it is really part of the Media section.
Images: 3 Yeah, there are heaps… but none are actually that funny. I’ll go through each picture, say which is hopeless and which has potential.
  • Transformation Pic: So, not funny. Just a picture. Needs a funny caption. Maybe comment on his ugliness?
  • CNN Queen Pic: Ok, this fits. Still needs a funnier caption, but it is ok.
  • Bill Pic: This one is ok, but it also needs a snappier, quirkier caption.
  • Speech Pic: You’ve already shown this picture. Delete it or get a different one.
  • Nute Gunray Pic: But why wil he be pissed? Once again, I find this needs a better caption.
  • Nute Gunray Pic 2: Yeah, it’s ok.
  • Rob Pic: This is the third time you’ve shown this picture, this time with a general in it. It’s a good idea to get Naferious next to Rob, but get it on a different picture.
  • Fabulous Pic: Er… what is this picture of? I think he’s reaching for the Great Clock thingy, but it’s hard to tell. Explain.

And you could definitely get some better pictures. Some from the actual game, battling Ratchet and Clank. These pictures aren’t that great and there are heaps more you could get.

Miscellaneous: 4.75 Averaged your scores.
Final Score: 23.75 So, 23.75. As you can see, this article has some big problems. With the right improvements, however, this article could definitely jump up in quality, and in score. I hoped none of the stuff I said here has sounded harsh, I’m only trying to help fix up this article, and I hope I have.
Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 10:51, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
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