Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Do a Barrel Roll (Now with pics!!)
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Did alot of Editing. I even have pictures now!! Hope you enjoy it :D Johnrofl123 06:04, 13 March 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||Sorry, but yeah. I honestly found this more annoying to read than funny. You're very sporadic in your humor, most of which doesn't have much to do with doing a barrel roll. Even the article title "Do a Barrel Roll" is bad. It should be called "Barrel Roll," or "HowTo:Do a Barrel Role," or something.
Let me be more constructive. The one thing I do like is the concept of a "barrel roll" involving actual barrels. That's actually sorta clever. What I don't like is the rest of everything else. The history of barrel rolls conceptually speaking is funny, and I do like the general idea of the Marine etc. However, most of that section is just random-ass stuff that has nothing to do with anything. Cheesecake? German Soap Operas? C'mon, dude. That's just random stuff that hasn't anything to do with the subject matter, not to mention there's no satirical value in it.
The different types of barrel rolls section too has potential, but you again ruin it by making it mostly about random-ass stuff. Case and point: SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM....
The How to perform a barrel roll section is probably the strongest, but not by much. I did actually find the "hump the barrel" bits amusing, which is probably why you don't have a 1.
The rest of the article should just curl up in a little corner somewhere and die.
|Concept:||5||Although here it's excuted poorly, this gets a comparitvely high score because this does in fact have potential. I'll elaborate later.|
|Prose and formatting:||3||Really bad. Grammar mistakes abound, staring from the very first proper sentence: "The barrel roll is an advanced dodge maneuver that requires great dexterity to roll a barrel." Read that aloud to yourself. It sounds clunky and awkward, and is just...bad. C'mon, surely you can do better than that.
Next you've got a clusterfuck of spelling mistakes. A quick fix to this is to simply copy-paste the article to a word program and do a spelling-grammar check. Doing that before submitting this for Pee Review would have probably saved you a point or two, easy.
There's also a lot of formatting issues. I'll elaborate more later.
|Images:||4||The first image is adequate, but the second one sucks balls. Yes, I've played Star Fox 64; yes, I know what that refers to; and no, it's not funny. Anything with the phrase "lol" in it is automatically not funny. Please, none of this internet joke shit, I get enough of that from faggots in my dorm, and I sure as hell don't come here wanting to deal with more dumbfuck SuperMarioLOLCatDudeFucking faggotry.
Where am I?
In any event, surely you're able to find more than two pictures, and surely you can find at least one that actually demonstrates the subject matter of the article.
|Miscellaneous:||6||Think of this as an "Improvability Score." This *can* be a good aricle, if rewritten like mad.
First, change the name of the article to "Barrel Roll." Then, loose the quotes. They're not funny. Everything prior to you explaining the history of the barrel roll should be moved to the introduction. Then, you should have clearly defined sections. "History," "How to do a Barrel Roll," etc. You could even build off, and add more sections. Something like "The Barrel Roll Expands" could be funny, explaining how the barrel roll made its way to airplanes for flying over sporting events, or to crocodiles for killing their prey, etc. That could also go in the aforementioned "History" section, too. Something I think would be funny would be mentioning how the barrel roll started off as the literal rolling of barrels, but then humans started imitating this, which led to the barrel rolls of today. That would be clever, I think. So yeah.
|Final Score:||20||Do exactly as I say, exaclty when I say it, and you'll make it out of here alive.|
|Reviewer:||—Sir Guildensternenstein 04:43, 20 March 2009 (UTC)|