Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/DeviantART (2nd nom)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
EpicAwesomeness and some palewillow guy rewrited it again.
- I'll review it, it may take some time, maybe even a week! But somehow, I think you won't care about that. Man, what have you done again??? lol Mattsnow 14:47, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
Hi Mr-ex777, I'll try to put some suggestions in there as well as bitching a lot. Note that I make the suggestions on the fly to help spark ideas, but I don't think them through, leaving that to you.
First of all, I got to say that my only knowledge of Deviantart is that it is a site where people draw and such. I went on it for a good 5 minutes to help me understand it for this review. Some great pics over there. I remember an article about Snapesnooger on ED or something, she has an account there. Anyway, keep in mind the review is done by someone who doesn't know anything about Deviantart.
I gotta say I am surprised the article is that good since I thought you were 12 year old judging by the forums you started LOL. Anyway, I'll dissecate the article section by section to review it in depth.
I like the logo to kick off the article, nice and original start! I don't know the bloke who said the first quote, so I didn't lol, but I guess someone who knows him may find it funny. Also, the wikipedia template is funny, I'll make sure to
The old men reference is good, but as I say in the prose section, the first sentence could use a rebuilding, but there are some good ideas there, namely the highjacking of the site. The Larry Page joke at the end is great, despite the fact I don't even know who that guy is, call me illeterate if you want.
Hahaha, the false link in the title is really good! The first little part about this fictitious bloke Jason Bloomsbury is funny too! The paragraph starting with "60% of people are Japanophiles" is well-written, but just an enounciation of facts, there's not a single joke in there, I think you should work on that. The "mutual masturbation" false links shows up for the 2nd time in a row, once is enough I think. The next joke worth noting (but it's a freaking good one!) is the Jerry Springer one. Before that, the text reads well, but lacks attempts at jokes, bro.
"The remaining 29%": is it a mathematical error there or am I missing something? It's quite confusing unless I am totally missing the joke, and can break the flow for the reader who won't quite get the joke and backtrack to see if he missed something. Better use a round figure thinks I. the "semen-stained backdrop" thing is funny as hell, but the beginning of the paragraph it's in could use another joke very certainly.
Being an ex-Ediot, I for one am very tired of the meme "over 9000" that kicks the paragraph off, maybe replace that by another lulzy weapon the admins are using, the flamethrower thing wasn't bad at all. I dunno, a jackdrill banhammer. Some funny deviation of a banhammer. I like the joke about the admin taking offence at the word condom but not caring about furry porn. I get the feeling you could add some extra funniness by exaggerating even more. I don't understand the "familiar" word at the end there. Not funny, huff it or replace it with something else.
Apart from the "furries with humongous vaginas" joke, the first paragraph contains almost only facts. Consider adding a joke a two, since it feels like the Sahara.
The second paragraph is humorous, but a little confusing for somebody that doesn't know the site! :) This part: " also known as =" could easily be huffed since it's not likely to be funny even for people who know the site, it just adds to the confusion. I think you are also missing an opportunity to make jokes about how it is totally hopeless to try to argue with the admins. Don't stick to facts, exaggerate like hell! The ending, "though shit" is not really funny.
|Concept:||7||Well, the concept is great, explaining the demographics in funny details certainly was a good idea and bound to be funny. Writing an article about a website is always a joke goldmine. I tend to believe however that you are using the false links trick waaaayy too much, as at one point it doesn't even become a surprise, therefore cutting the funniness. For example, "art" is funny, but a lot of them, like "published site data" or charm are not that funny at all.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||I can tell you really made a lot of effort in the prose department and the article is quite good in that regard. I'll try to point out place where it leaves to be desired. I also corrected some minor mistakes. My pleasure, 20$ will be just fine. lol
The first sentence strikes me as just trying too hard and bury everything under a pile of fancy adjectives. You could split the sentence in 2 easily. Remember that the intro is where the reader will decide if he wants to carry on reading or not, so it's got to be clear, not confusing, like this part of the sentence: " rebuilding of a devastating conquered model" LOLWUT?
That's a lot better in the prose department, quite enjoyable read.
|Images:||5||1.I rather like it, caption not so bad, but could be better. How about something like: "This gives you an idea of the kind of "art" we're talking about."
2.The picture is nice and funny in and of itself, but I don't get what it represents. Is it typical deviantarts users? Or typical art found on Deviantart? I think you should make that clear in your caption, in a funny way of course.
3.That is not a very good one at all, sorry. Besides, it would have to be enlarged to take the whole page to be able to read the text without a microscope. Huff that bro!
4.I don't know what to think of this other than its a mega-whoring who is not really funny. Maybe if you shopped it with something lulzy, but for now...
5.Does it mean you got banned for posting that? I think it's a bit of vanity there, to be honest, but the pic is funny and the caption too.
|Miscellaneous:||6.5||How I'd rate the article overall|
|Final Score:||31.5||I hope that helped and that I didn't bitch too much, but what is a Pee Review for? LOL. So overall, I think the biggest improvements could be cleaning up the false links to keep only the funny ones and replacing the boring ones by ordinary links, adding a little more joke per square inch and what I said in the pic section. There are some really good jokes in there so I know that with some "work" you can come up with some more who are just as good! I hope that helped and feel free to get back to me on my talkpage! Bye! Oh, and stop getting banned, silly!|
|Reviewer:||Mattsnow 23:33, December 9, 2011 (UTC)|