Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Democrazy

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edit Democrazy

Hi all -- well, my first article in nearly a year, and thanks for your encouragement. And, uh, I hope it was worth it. What do you think?

Procopius 18:37, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 9 Highest joke-per-paragraph content of anything I've read recently. Welcome back.
Concept: 9 Nice idea. Really nice idea. In fact, splendid.
Prose and formatting: 8 Good writing.
Images: 8 Appropriate pictures, some of them funny as well.
Miscellaneous: 8 Good stuff. I only recommend some French polish.
Final Score: 42
Reviewer: ----OEJ 19:41, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

edit Endnotes

Well, Procopius, not too much to say about this. It is really quite long, but the joke density keeps one reading. I missed the French Revolution -- Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité, Insanité, and Robespierre standing by the guillotine singing "Je suis a leetle choo-choo train, pouffe pouffe pouffe!" -- but such a section would add even more length to an already considerable article.

I might recommend the usual polishing. I see that this article has followed an eccentric creative path, written last year and extensively revised May 3, ie, today? I might suggest (tentatively) a week's rest followed by a final brush-up on a few jokes. You know very well how the cycle of creativity goes from heat-of-creation to cool-headed-revision and back to heat-of-creation again.

As is usually the case with my own pieces, the joke density is really high in the first section and falls off just a little in the later ones. Maybe this is just my perception, but you might have a look after the lastest flurry of revision has cooled and see what you think.

Anyway. Yes, it was worth it. Good work.

My best congratulations.

----OEJ 19:41, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, this thing could be way longer, and might just invite that when people start to see it. I appreciate the feedback, and I think you're right about the spread of the jokes. Good advice. I'll let the piece cool on the cookie rack for a little while. Thanks a lot!--Procopius 01:23, 4 May 2008 (UTC)
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