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- Thats what she said. lol. Any ways, I'll get to this tomarrow 24 hours --If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:23, July 1, 2010 (UTC)
|I like to write a lot of things, I’m pretty good at Pee Reviews, and I received an award Author of the Month Award and one feature. Also I like Avenged Sevenfold, Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3, and brunettes and emo girls.|
|Concept:||7||Alright, I have to say this is a pretty decent concept. A article that tells that the Theory of Gravity was founded way before Newton did isn’t an original concept, but one that works. However, the concept drifts away when it gets to ‘’’The fourth principle’’’ section, something that will make the reader lose interest in the article. When you choose a concept, you should stick with it the entire time without going off topic or putting in something that doesn’t really support the concept. But you did keep the tone of the article throughout the article, and only change tone when you did a quote, so I’ll give you kudos for that.|
|Prose and Formatting:||6||You have a few spelling mistakes, but they all relate to one word. You spelled realisation, but it is suppose to be spelled realization. I sometimes make that mistake myself, so it’s understandable. This should be an easy fix because you don’t have to fix different words, just the same word used throughout the article. Using the spell-check system on Microsoft word will help you; as a matter of fact I used it to find the mistake in the first place; I use it in all Pee Reviews so it would be easier to find mistakes than to read over the article and accidently miss it, so I suggest you do the same.
You also use words that sound like the word it’s suppose to be with, but you spelled them differently than what they’re supposed to be spelled. This happens a lot, and it’s also understandable, I done it a few times by accident so don’t worry, you’re not the only one who does that. I will list these words in order, and put the correct spelling beside them.
You can also use Spell-Check to look these problems up. Also, I never heard the word tête before, so do you mind explaining what it means on my talk page?
|Humo(u)r:||5||The humor varies on the section, but I did found some of it very interesting. There are some things that work on the article, and some things that probably shouldn’t belong on the article, and something’s that can be either better explained or expanded.
Let’s first start with the intro. The founder of Decentiousness was a man named John Edwards, and that he was not related to the psychic. Well, there are two problems with that. 1) There are over 100 people named John Edwards; the reader may not know if it is the John Edwards who ran for the 2008 President campaign or one from the past. 2) You don’t talk a lot about him other then the fact he wrote down the rules for Decentiousness. You need to be more specific about the person you’re talking about. Since this appears to be a made up article, maybe you can write a short bio of him; the reader might be anxious to know a little more about this guy. Also make him differ from other John Edwards by saying something like “Unlike other people who are also named John Edwards” And then put something that differs him from the rest. Now the part that said “and that Newton may have been nothing more than a plagiarist,” I don’t think it’ll draw much humor. Also, a plagiarist is someone who copied from someone else’s work and claiming it as his/her own. Maybe you should say that he only rediscovered it because the work by John Edwards was lost to civilization or something like that. Also, you should also include when the lost theory was unearthed, where it was unearthed, and who unearthed it. The reader would also like to know these things, but you don’t have to write an entire paragraph, just maybe 2-3 sentences would do the trick.
Up until the fourth section, the article displays the concept very well. The quotes, however, could use some expansion. I’m not a fan of 2 word sentences, so I suggest to expand it so that it looks more interesting to read. For example, the quote, “The world sucks” can be expanded into something like this, “The world sucks things in just like a hooker in a one night stand.” Also, try to refrain from using the same thing but rewording the first part. It can get pretty old and dull.
And the last two sections just don’t really show the concept. They appear to be random and are just a big “meh” than a laugh, so they don’t belong here. I suggest you rewrite these sections in the way you wrote the other sections, as well as staying on topic.
|Images:||7||They first two support the article, but the captions need some work. The third one is iffy. Since it belongs in the section that doesn’t fit the concept, I suggest you write something that can include the image or just delete it all together. But that is one fine woman there I have to admit. Adding at least 1-3 more images wouldn’t hurt either, but don’t over do it.|
|Miscellaneous:||6.3||My overall grade of this article|
|Final Score:||31.3||I can see why this was put in VFD, but I can why it was kept. It has some good potential, but only if you are willing to work on it. I hope that you will work on it some more. If you have any questions/comments, just go to my talk page and I’ll be happy to answer them. Good Luck! Cheers!|
|Reviewer:||--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 18:21, July 2, 2010 (UTC)|