Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Dear Jenna

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edit Dear Jenna

This both does and doesn't look done to me. Helpful suggestions would be helpful. Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 03:23, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Driveby: I don't get it. Is it in reference to something? --Mnbvcxz 05:05, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
Well, it riffs on the song "Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near"... that's... about what it refers to, there. Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 05:19, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
It is simply amazing just cause this line, "Actually, im scared of the bees". Brilliant hahaha--Tagstit 07:26, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
I added my own tweaks. I really like the concept though, and my changes are fairly minor. --Sultanofsurreal 11:49, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
Well, it looks like you jumped in there and did some miscellaneous rewording. I'm not sure how I feel about it. If the reviewer wouldn't mind giving some of his or her (okay, his) thoughts on the difference between the two versions, that could be helpful. Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 15:19, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
Hahaha! Same as Tagstit. Great last sentence there. Liked the whole letter and concept but could think of a few sentences or paragrafs that could be rephrased to better the quality if the text. Not how funny it is but just make it more simple to read. Give it a nicer flow. That'd be my only hint. Otherwise, thumbs up! --kit 22:13, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
Outhouse   Tagstit   doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.

While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list.

Meh, I will try this one.

Humour: 9 I was laughing reading this entire thing. It is short, consice, and almost perfectly executed. I really enjoyed this. There isn't TOO much I can say about the humor but more would be welcomed. As you have it now it is very short and it seems like you could go on a bit more. BUT! I do strongly think that lengthening it could ruin the effect, and therefore kill some of the jokes. There is also really only one joke that all the others ride off of, so this doesn't seem like it will ever be VFH. Not that that is necessarily your goal or anything, but if it is, I would consider taking it out of the form you have it in now and making it a Why: I am breaking up with you, or something like that. I always thought that could be a good idea for an article and it allows you to delve into other reasons for breaking up. You could still keep it in letter form and it would be longer and therefore, more likely to be featured. Again, this might not be your intention though.
Concept: 5 I have seen few letters and all of them I have seen are good so far. The reason I give yours a five is because it has been done before. Most letters I have seen have been break up letters and although you give a new take on it and work on a clever joke, it seems old and overrun. It manages to be funny despite that, so although it isn't completely original, it does retain humor through its jokes. Again, incorprating all the letters into one big Why might be funny and be a good feature.
Prose and formatting: 9 The way you word everything is pretty much perfect. Although Sultan may have offered a few options, I feel the way you have them now is much better. Some of the jokes he tried to incorporate, in a way "kills" some of your jokes. Also, one of the main things that made your article so funny was the way you phrased many things, and changing that would only have a worse effect. As far as I can see, there are no misspellings or bad grammar, so no changes really have to be made I feel as far as writing style. Your letter format also comes out looking very clean and crisp.
Images: 0 There are none, though I don't know if an article like this needs one.
Miscellaneous: 6 Averaged
Final Score: 29 I liked it. More of a funny little side read than a feature. I hope I helped! If I didn't, just resubmit it and I am sorry. Good luck!
Reviewer: ~SirTagstitVFHNotMPEEINGCPTRotMBFF 09:56, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

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