I was driving home from swimming laps yesterday when I thought of the last line in this article. The entire rest of the article has been built around it. Worth it or not? You decide! Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 18:11, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
I'm here now and I'm just raring to go. --ChiefjusticeDS 07:27, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
I, personally, thought this was a very amusing account article. You write with a certain style that really brought this one to life. The only problem as I see it is that your humour relies very much on some assumptions by the reader. While you essentially confirm these later on you need to make sure that the article is set up properly as the start is definitely weak as far as giving the reader a sense of location and character. This is very minor and the the type of article could justify the way you start, I would just caution about racing into an account before the reader has really understood what is going on as this does have the potential to undermine a bit of your later humour.
The idea behind the article is pretty good and you execute it very well. I can't really find anything to moan about with regard to the concept, your tone is superb and provides some of the jokes in itself. Again, there is one small problem that you should devote some time to sorting out, and that is to make sure the tone remains consistent. You use an established tone throughout and the reader can get into the article and be amused by the predictable antics of the character. However you should make sure that this tone stays consistent and you stick to things that the character might actually think and do, you have done this to a large extent but there are a couple of small instances where you stray a little bit. But I'm nit-picking really, there is nothing in serious need of fixing up here.
Prose and formatting:
Right, I don't think I have reviewed one of yours before so I can go into this in detail, proofread your work. This is a superb piece of writing and you should make sure that it is not plagued by idiotic problems with spelling and grammar. You are experienced enough at editing to know how to do this so, go and do it. Watch mainly for grammar issues, spelling problems do not intrude unduly on this article and certainly don't stop me from enjoying it. Otherwise your prose are fine and the article doesn't feel too laborious to read at all, and there are plenty of images for the length of the article. The thing that bothers me most is that there isn't more of this article, I understand that it is supposed to be an account and I shouldn't have arrived expecting a novel, but your writing invites the comment. I enjoyed it so, obviously, I want to read more.
Nothing wrong here, there are easily enough images in here and they both feel necessary. The captions are relevant and amusing enough. Yup everything here is just fine.
My overall grade of the article.
It was excellent to read and I really enjoyed reading it, my only big complaint was the length but, that isn't much of a complaint. Otherwise the difficulties are very very minor and having another look to fix them up is entirely optional as you have an excellent piece of work here even when they exist. Well written.