Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Deadlines

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edit Deadlines

Okay, I'm not too sure how the whole 'no sentences' thing will go down, but if it's a major issue then I'll rewrite it.

Jonjammin 10:16, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 7 First of all, you need to cut at least two of those quotes. I suggest Oscar Wilde and Student. This is quite funny in places, if you read it really fast (as I assume it is intended). The problem, I feel is that you wander towards in-jokes and memes. For examples, the Scientology, reference, the AAAAA! reference, the Flying Spaghetti Monster reference etc. could all be cut (and should). You could do with referring to the idea of a deadline once or twice, to "cement" the joke (kind of). it will make it feel less ranty and more relevant to the topic. Also, I think think for this article it might be good to leave it unfinished. Just finish with an "and" or halfway through a word or something (and don't put in any "see also"s). In fact, I think you should start by asking for an extension to finish this article - it will give it a sort of self-referentialism that I think could work well.
Concept: 8 Quite good - a clever treatment of the topic.
Prose and formatting: 8 Fine. I think the layout could be improved by getting rid of some quotes and making the first section the intro.
Images: 5 OK, not great. They need to be bigger so that the reader can see what is going on, and the Scientology one needs to disappear because it is just terrible (sorry).
Miscellaneous: 7 Averaged.
Final Score: 35 A good article, there is no doubt about it. It just needs some tweaks to tighten it up.
Reviewer: -- slippery Ape (urinate) (Riot Porn) 21:45, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the input, in retrospect the Tom Cruise image was too rushed and replaced that section with the more character friendly Ronald mc Donald now anyways ;) Hopefully the article is looking better now.--Jonjammin 00:01, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

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