Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Cymbal Bullying
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Byronwhiteson 02:28, June 5, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||4.0||Hi Byronwhiteson. Lets start with the humour. There wasn't much going for this article when it came to the humour department. Number 1, the quotes weren't funny. And for the love of all that is holy, please don't use Oscar Wilde quotes. They've been done a gazillion times, and the man has really lost all meaning. The quotes also didn't seem to be used in the same context as the rest of the article. So please, if you use quotes, use them well and don't shove Oscar Wilde in there.
Secondly, don't use lists. They enrage all Uncyclopedians. Lists tell us that the writer of the list simply can't be bothered to flesh out his/her article by using the examples in said list, so he/she simply sticks them in a neat-looking list to save time and energy. To use one, short list may, I repeat, may be acceptable, but to use two just gets repetitive and boring.
On the plus side, you seem to have picked up the encyclopedic tone rather well. You use formal language which always comes across as funny, especially seeing as we are making fun of Wikipedia. So well done for that. Some users just don't get that it's supposed to be a "content-free encyclopedia".
|Concept:||4.0||Hmmm...cymbal bullying? I myself am a drummer, and I've never heard that expression. The concept of this article, to my mind, wouldn't really capture readers, would it? I only found your article in the Pee Review, and I don't think many people would think to search up "Cymbal Bullying" of their own volition.
The big question you have to ask yourself is: "Can I actually expand on this concept and reach a encyclopedic length while maintaining the reader's attention with well thought out humour?" If the answer is yes, then by all means, expand upon this article, and submit the result to Pee Review when you are finished! But my main concern is that Cymbal Bullying may be too obscure for most people to think of (and search).
|Prose and formatting:||5.1||The article doesn't look bad and you have used paragraphs, which is always a plus. However, you do use some questionable sentence structure techniques. You use dashes in the wrong places such as:
"Cymbal bullying began to become popular as part of the 17th century French Baroque cultural revolution - "if ain't Baroque don't fix it" is the old saying."
"It was good humour to abuse and ridicule the savant Drummer - a popular pastime of the French culture at the time."
You should probably change these to:
"Cymbal bullying began to become popular as part of the 17th century French Baroque cultural revolution. One of the well-known old saying was "...if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it."
"It was good humour to abuse and ridicule the savant Drummer. This became a popular pastime of the then French culture."
So, don't be so dash-happy and you and formatting will become good friends, possibly intimate lovers.
|Images:||2.0||You need more than one lonesome picture for an article to become happy. The picture that you did have was hard to make out. I had to click on it to see that there was a drum kit in the foreground. Pictures in articles need to be immediately clear and consise, because Uncyclopedians don't like to think. The caption also could be more funnier.|
|Miscellaneous:||3.8||Your average score.|
|Final Score:||18.9||I can see that you may be new here, and for a first (?) attempt, it ain't bad. But it can definitely be a whole lot better and funnier. Also, you should make a sub-page in your userspace so that your work isn't deleted or erased in the spambox; spambox articles are never kept permanently and are very susceptible to graffiti attacks.
Please don't be sad or insulted by the criticism I have given you. It is purely constructive and if you use it combined with reading some of Uncyclopedia's Featured Articles, you could have an article on the front page in no time!
|Reviewer:||--Username18 04:55, June 5, 2010 (UTC)|