Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Cup Size
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In-depth please! And please offer suggestions on how to improve it, also feel free to fix any small errors or whatever... Thank you!
11:58, September 23, 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||I like this! I feel this is more a smile article than a LMAO article, but that's Ok. Some really good articles are smiles.
When I make suggestions for a sentence, sometimes I will put what I think could be cut in
I'm really putting my P comments here with the Humor comments.
I like the humor and your writing style, but of course have some suggestions! The first sentence I feel would be better if it was cut into two; it's a little long and confusing. "Standards set in various countries" sounds like you're going to talk about how an American A cup girl isn't the same as a Mexican A cup, but you don't. "These standard sizing systems are especially relevant to the labeling of cougars, harlots and your average bitch." Sorry I don't get this. "...female personality traits, starting with the letter A (period)
The A Cup: I like this section. I like the list of professions as they seem to fit together, and fit the stereotypical librarian who really wants to be a little wilder. "...the A-cup woman may be as impenetrable as a chastity belt" is very nice. "...seen drinking from this cup
The B Cup: "woman is slightly more assertive than the A-cup woman." which I feel is good, but then you say "...urine-like coffee out of a cup that only allows up to three mouthfuls of liquid suggests...." I think "urine-like" is too strong of a term, and "three mouthfuls" doesn't sound like enough for your B-cup. Maybe say "a few mouthfuls." Otherwise this section sounds more A-cup than the A-cup description, and doesn't build toward C-cup. I like your list of professions, which follows a nice progression as you move later to D Cup. "Most B-cup women...she is too easily satisfied...." mixing plural and singular. I don't know what you meant with "...but when admittedly insecure...." You might want to say B Cup used to be the most popular size (see my note on The C Cup).
The C Cup: It's funny you say C Cup is the most popular, when that's the most common cup size in America. Did you know it used to be the B Cup? But women are getting
The D Cup: I get the titties and any liquid joke and find them funny. But I don't find the redundancy funny, so suggest something like "D-cup women are known by their large quantities of coffee and will
Conclusion or Closing: I think the article could use one, even if it's really short, like just a couple sentences. Something to bring all the cups together.
Also you might want to have more of these women having milk or cream in their cups or in their coffee. Women have milk in their cups, get it?
|Concept:||7.5||I wouldn't have thought this was a great concept, but you make it work!|
|Prose and formatting:||8.5||Most of my P comments are in the Humor part. I really like the wording, and with some fixes think I would like it even more. I like having pics on left and right. Some people insist they should all be on the right, but that's not the way magazines do it! So I like your formatting.|
|Images:||7||I really liked the pic of the girl holding the cup with her feet. But you have it as the B cup girl, but it doesn't build to C or D. I was expecting the pics for C and D to be completely bizarre, but they weren't. Maybe you could switch photos, use the photo at the top that says "Don't let this bitch fool you" (I really don't like the caption and don't get it) as the B-cup girl, and move the gymnastic woman photo to the top or somewhere else.
I think the photos with the cups getting bigger and bigger are fine, except the D cup doesn't really look bigger than the C cup. Maybe you could find a photo of a woman with a HUGE cup.
|Miscellaneous:||7.5||Average of the rest.|
|Final Score:||37.5||I like this article. Let me know on my talk page if you work on it!|
|Reviewer:||DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 05:19, October 1, 2009 (UTC)|