Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Crying and Wanking

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edit Crying and Wanking

Prof. Olipro Icons-flag-gb KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 05:08, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

Yea, I'll review it for you, you sexy, English-Hungarian bastard you. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 07:38, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
I'll need some time as I just got back home from trip. Ergo, please don't rape me again as I have an excuse this time. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 22:09, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 6 So first off, I want to sorry I'm extremely sorry for getting this done so late. Don't want to bore you with a list of excuses, but I do hope you can forgive me for this lapse in work effort. I assure you, I shall make sure to whip myself much more thoroughly than I usually do, later tonight. Now, let's get back to the article:

First off, the main thing I'm seeing is you go for a very formal approach. I'm not finding myself laughing as much as I would like and find the article written in a manner that makes it seem more like you're trying to get across information to the reader rather than trying to make him laugh. Then again, this isn't really my type of humour, so feel free to get a second opinion on this point.

In all honesty though, I do feel like you aren't capitalizing on the humour in the article and are going more for a shock value approach to the reader instead of humour. For example, in this line, "Unfortunately, no data is available on the female technique despite the best efforts of many psychologists operating in the field of human sexuality." This sentence seems like a prime candidate for the ultimate joke or punchline. Unfortunately, I'm still jet-lagged and can't think of it right now, but I do hope you understand what I'm trying to say. You need to expand your use of jokes and the make the article as a whole, more funny. For example, the introduction of Freud and Kinsey did have some humour in it, but it seemed like a bit of a chore to read in my opinion. Since most readers on this site have the attention span of a squirrel, you might want to keep that issue in mind.

I guess the overall general theme I'm trying to tell you is to work on the flow of the article as a whole. Make it so that it takes you 2 sentences to explain something and tell a joke rather than something like 6 sentences or whatnot. It should help your article out a lot.

However, creating a better flow may also result in shorting your article. Sooooo, I have some further suggestions of possible sections you could add. Maybe add a further section about Crying and Wanking in the present day and how most politicians are avoiding gay sex scandals by "helping themselves instead." Or maybe you could talk about the evolution of Crying and Wanking from Old English times when you had to suffer through the pains of syphilis, to the times of Japan where even children's toys are designed for the express purpose of "playing with yourself," and not in the way childrens' toys are meant for if you know what I mean. Also, maybe you could add the section "Crying and Wanking for Women" and have only one line like, "...Let's not go there," or something satirical like that. Just some ideas of course, I'll let you decide what you want to do, or even if you want to expand the article.

Concept: 6 Rather common place sort of discussion on this site, but you do have some degree of uniqueness with your approach and execution of the article. Hence, I gave you a six, not much more to say here.
Prose and formatting: 8.5 Some small errors with prose, but I tried to fix as many as I could. I would re-read though, just in case I missed something, like this for example, "The symptoms are obvious almost immediately when the subject begins to ejaculate uncontrollably and continuously for a period of more than 5 seconds at which point, death is ensured; the victim is typically given an icepack to apply to the scrotum as well as painkillers, if available." The part after the semi-colon seems misplaced. Why would the victim be given an icepack and painkillers if he is dead? I think you meant to say that the victim should be given an icepack and painkillers within the 5 second deadline, but I'm not sure, I'll leave that to you.

Format wise, the only thing I had to suggest was that you switch positions of those two images. The Glenn Beck relevance is closer to the end of the article, so you should not have it in the beginning. That's really the biggest issue I saw, look in the images section for more issues with images.

Images: 7 So I made one suggestion in relevance to the images in the format section. Another suggestion would be maybe to add one or two more images to this article, especially if you ever consider expanding it. Perhaps an image of someone crying while hunched over with a caption like, "Someone's been busy for the past 5 minutes," or something like that. Maybe even use that image from BF11's Roger Ebert article about the "100 movies to masturbate to by Roger Ebert" or whatever it was. I feel like it would fit well with this article. I'll leave that decision up to you.

ANd for the record, that Glenn Beck picture is priceless. Score.

Miscellaneous: 6.5 The number of minutes that it takes...well, you get where I'm going.
Final Score: 34 So once again, really sorry that it took me forever to get this done. I hope I was able to help you out in some way and gave you some critiques and or compliments that you find useful. Any questions or comments can be left on my talkpage or IRC or whatever new, hip and trendy chat service is available nowadays. So, yup, cheers.
Reviewer: --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 02:49, August 23, 2011 (UTC)
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