Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Credit Crunch
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Mostly Zen 18:24, 10 October 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||9||Lines like "In Japan, news breaks that the Origami bank has folded" made my face hurt. Congrats.|
|Concept:||9||Really a good idea.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||The writing should be top-notch, and much of the article is. But here and there bits of carelessness creep in.|
|Images:||8||Appropriate images. The first one is good; the Captain Crunch is an inferior play on the same joke; the Tank Cat one is nice.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||I like this and hope it succeeds.|
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 17:03, 25 October 2008 (UTC)|
edit Tiddly little whining
"In short. Pretty fucking grim." might be better as "In short, pretty fucking grim." The opening words of "Investment rapers, the Lehman Bruvas announce they have..." should not be separated from the subject of the sentence (the Lehman Bruvas) by a comma, I think. And probably the sentence --
- "In comparison, UK mortage lender Northern Rock ran into financial difficulties it was thrown a lifeline from the Bank of England."
-- should probably be --
- "In comparison, when UK mortage lender Northern Rock ran into financial difficulties it was thrown a lifeline from the Bank of England."
-- or perhaps, if ironically meant, --
- "In comparison, UK mortage lender Northern Rock ran into financial difficulties when it was thrown a lifeline from the Bank of England."
Wiki tradition has it that only the first instance of a subject is linked; I would de-link all but the first instance of the words "Optimus Prime".
The sentence "Swiss bank UBS loses $4.7 billion" should probably conform to usage in the rest of the article, ie, "...loses $4.7bn."
Proofread again. You're a good writer, just pay attention to a few spots. These are really minor.
edit Other Observations
Some of the chronicling of bank debts got tedious. I might tentatively suggest you look for some other angles on the financial crisis as well. Maybe break up the stream of figures with a few words from Alistair Darling or George Soros. Or with the tragic story of Lumbar Pudnotting of Derby, who defaulted on the mortgage on his cocker spaniel and is now doing hard time in HMP Belmarsh. Just some human-interest stuff.
Good luck; this is a good article.
----OEJ 17:02, 25 October 2008 (UTC)