Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Cream the Rabbit (rewrite)
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I did a mass rewrite on the cutest Sonic character Cream the Rabbit for the Uncyclopedia:Conservation Week. Tell me what you think and I could make it more sillier. (I'm planning to add a few more images later on)--Dark Paladin X 00:16, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
OK, brace yourself, honest review coming right up:
|Humour:||3||Sorry dude, not much funny here. It's just way too random. Some good lines though.|
|Concept:||3||There has to be a reason why so many computer game related articles are not very good. I just wish this wasn't the case.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||The actual words aren't too bad, the spelling's generally quite good, and the formatting is fine. But it makes little sense and leaps from topic to topic like Sonic leaps from spring to spring.|
|Images:||5||There is one, and it is relevant. Not funny, mind, but images don't always have to be.|
|Miscellaneous:||3||The big problem is that I can't see a central thread here, it feels too... miscellaneous.|
|Final Score:||20||Randomness is rarely the way forward around here.|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 11:50, 10 October 2007 (UTC)|
This is the bit where I try to give constructive feedback on how to improve the article. But I'm struggling here, to be honest. Making it sillier is not the way to go though - nonsense is funnier when leavened with something that makes sense - an article full of nonsense is too much. For an extreme example, see Alice in Wonderland, where the nonsense of Wonderland is leavened by Alice's attempts to make sense of it. Or something.
Basically, you need to decide on a central thread to the article, and stick to it - deviating a bit if you like, but returning to the central theme to keep some semblance of shape. And my big problem is I can't really suggest either an idea from the article to stick with, or another idea to use instead. Hmm. Maybe focus on the cute aspect? Discuss the attempts to design/create the cutest game character ever, have fun with the conventions of videogame cuteness, contrast her with other cute characters in an amusing way to explain how she is cuter? Perhaps take the idea that she avoids the word "hate" as it's not cute and expand it? Explain at length how she goes to ludicrous lengths to avoid anything that isn't cute? I don't know, that's quite a lame suggestion, but it's the best I can manage right now.
However, to give credit where it is due - this is definitely better than what was there before you got your hands on it!
As always, this is just my opinion, others are available. But randomness is generally not popular around here, so at least have a think about it! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 11:48, 10 October 2007 (UTC)
- The mentioning of the Tails is based on a fan meme of the popular Tails/Cream relationship, and there are some truth into this as well (like how Cream enjoys ice cream is one of them).--Dark Paladin X 02:03, 11 October 2007 (UTC)