Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Coupons

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edit Coupons

Well, it's only 1/3-1/2 of an article, but i wanna know what I could do to continue and improve this article. I know it has potential.

~ NEZLR Dancingmilk Th stupidMewhenreadingstupidstuff Seizure Donuts 20:35, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

I'll take this one since it's a shortie --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 22:24, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 7 You express the infuriated tone you undertake extremely well and take it into new directions, fairly consistently being very funny at the same time. All it is lacking is a little bit of diversity and depth, as well as a little bit more of this and what you already have. Perhaps you could include a few more puns and some more one-liners within the text, in addition to the ranting concept itself. If you include one or two one-liners per paragraph, in with the concept you already have, I think you should have a very funny article.
Concept: 8 You pick a great angle to fulfill this topic's potential, this is one of those topics that definitely warrants (and in a way, can only really be justified by) this rant concept that you choose. Unfortunately, it is a very difficult concept to make into a decent-length article, which is clearly reflected in the fact that your article is not really of sufficient length. The difficulty is in finding a balance between some kind of coherent and interesting expansion on what you already have and a few new ideas, without becoming repetitive or digressing. The actual sections you have at the moment are good in themselves but they don't follow on from one another. I would suggest starting with a fairly simple introduction in which you set up the premise. In this section all that is needed is a brief explanation of what a coupon is and a summary of why you hate it - the intro you have now is actually sufficient as it is, though I would add a little line at the end to say something like "and if you need further proof, this is why I fucking hate coupons:" or something. Your content is good, you just need to rework it around the basic premise "What are coupons/I hate coupons" -> "Everything bad about coupons" (in a coherent and interesting manner) -> "SO THAT'S WHY I FUCKING HATE COUPONS". Or a twist, like despite all this, you are a coupon obsessive who collects them compulsively and lives a hilarious love-hate relationship with them.
Prose and formatting: 7 You actually have a very appropriate writing style for what you're trying to do, you execute the concept well. You carry all the emotive aspects well and, though there were/are a couple of spelling errors, you generally come across articulate and in control of what you are writing. As I said in the concept section, I think you could readdress certain aspects of the structure, perhaps make it more clear in direction. Change the headings so that they appear more consistent in theme. I can see what you're doing with them both, but it would be better if you either carry a key word out of each section as an emphatic heading, or have a full phrase that says a little more and introduces the section, rather than reinforcing it in retrospect.
Images: 6 Only one pic, though it is good and the caption is excellent. I would suggest adding one more pic when you add a little more content. Perhaps either a pic of the incriminating party (McDonalds outlet/executive) scribbled with some childish insult, a picture of a disgruntled man in despair at his coupons, or something similar.
Miscellaneous: 7 It's a good concept and I like your style very much. It just needs a little work to turn this into one of those rare gems you come across that takes a unique stance on an otherwise totally boring topic. I like what you have done so far and urge you to add the final touches and wind it all together.
Final Score: 35 Don't worry too much about length, to be honest just another 1/3 would probably saturate it (or at least be a good basis for someone else to add to), it's much better to be concise and consistently funny than to rant without direction, go off on tangents, or be overly repetitive. Just concentrate on making what you do have coherent, tied together by the ranting voice and a clear direction, like you are going somewhere with it. The ending should be blunt, as it is in a way, and you will have a decent article on a topic that (probably?) wouldn't exist otherwise. Good luck!
Reviewer: --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 00:26, 17 August 2009 (UTC)


Apologies, I realise I didn't actually address your question very well and I should have taken a lot of stuff I said relating to the length as a given. While I say "don't worry too much about length", what I really mean is that you should be careful about what you do, since this article is all about quality of content, not length of content, for me. In terms of actual content you could talk about, try to bring in some history. An old paper with some coupons for <insert outdated possibly suspicious product> and run a few jokes on that. Mention a few in different languages, or something absurd picketing coupon-printing factories or something, mentioning the industry as a whole. It works well as a short rant in my opinion, but in extending it you'd have to be prepared to bring in new aspects - political, conspiracy theories whatever... - to stop it from seeming forced. Good luck. --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 01:02, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
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