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ShuaDaddy 23:52, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||7.75||It's good.... Love the Whoops at the top. That's awesome.
Basically, I think you are doing well here, but you need to make things a bit more subtle. When you use the word "cock" or are too blatant it just kinda spoils the effect... You obviously know your cars, so I suggest you try to think of more ways that you can parallel actual factual stuff about the car to things related to sex aids. The IRS thing is exactly what I'm talking about. Unless I'm very much mistaken there was never actually a car called the "big cock" and stuff like that is just turning me off. Well, any cocks for that matter. ;-)
You include some stuff which I guess is actually true about the real cars, but in places I felt that this was not really helping. If you are going to use the truth... Blend it better.
|Concept:||8.5||A great idea. Maybe a bit obvious, but still it's refreshing. Maybe you can expand the concept in the direction of comparing this "car" to others? How to Corvette owners differ from Ferrari or Mustang owners...
Plug in vibrators vs batteries? Different fuel types? Diesel vs petrol or maybe even Nitro? How do owners of cars powered in this way differ? You can wander away from just this car a little if there is a way to poke fun at other car owners so long as it's not done too much and if it's funny, nobody cares anyway...
I'm actually not all that sure about where all the dildo stuff comes from. The article at first appeared to be about penis', but then kinda wanders into talking more about dildos. I think maybe it would be better to stick to Penis, but again, all this talk is making me need to go and find my playboy collection to compensate.
|Prose and formatting:||7.5||Generally OK, but some spit and polish is needed. In places you use subtle prose which works really well, but in others it wanders into the obvious.|
|Images:||5.5||Possibly the weakest part. I think one pic of a strap on would probably work, but two just kinda kills the joke. Maybe a pic of a well known Corvette owner with a clever comment might work better? I'm not sure, but the pics are not really working. Maybe a before and after photo of a guy with no car, and then show a picture of a well known porn star who has a large cock afterwards? I do think that this concept would work better if you did if from the point of view that buying one of these cars does actually give you a larger penis... ;)|
|Final Score:||36.55||Close to VFH quality, but not there yet. Get rid of the obvious stuff, and find some new ways to blur the line between fact and fiction. Check the wikipedia page for ideas if you need more info. You really need to work on the pics. They let it down. Consider making the whole thing about Penis and not dildos, as I don't really get why you have done that...
I do like the article, and might throw a few edits in myself after you have had a go at maybe taking some of my ideas on board... This can be VFH... You just need to work on it more. Good luck!
|Reviewer:||MrN 19:00, Jul 23|