Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Corn Flakes (Review Two)

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edit Corn Flakes

Received some very positive comments from the first review. Has since been improved. What do you think? Nameable mumble? (UnScr:PWotM) 17:28, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Great job, it's so much better! Staircase CUNt 17:41, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
Thanks! Nameable mumble? (UnScr:PWotM) 17:48, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
I take it that means you aren't doing this one Stairs? --ChiefjusticeDS 19:50, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
I'm not. Staircase CUNt 04:19, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
Is anybody? Nameable mumble? (UnScr:PWotM) 09:27, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
I'll give you a review for this one. Sequence 13:27, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 8 I'll go through this part in sections to make it easier to analyse.
  • Intro - I would actually say Sultana Bran is, particularly considering how all their advertising emphasis the taste. Yeah like I want to eat bran and sultana, yum yum. Anyway the introduction is pretty funny. No radical suggestions to make here.
  • Etymology - I'm seeing a page from TVtropes here which I like. The joke about how Corn Flakes sounds very plain considering some of the fancy names they come up with for food nowadays works very well. There's also some funny sexual innuendo with the Corny F rebranding joke.
  • History - It's a pretty good history that you have here at the moment and could stand as it is but I do have a few suggestions that could be used to alter it slightly. Reading this page here - http://www.spiritus-temporis.com/corn-flakes/ - you can see that the original name for the Corn Flakes was actually Granose. As it stands the "Corn Flakey Things" doesn't work quite as well for me, but then again I don't find Buffyspeak all that humorous. I'm sure you could find a way to work in how he came up with the idea for Granose, something like running through a bunch of names related to corn flakes before finally settling on Granose out of the blue would make the joke a lot funnier in my opinion. The other part is where it says that his brother was the one who started mass marketing Corn Flakes, so you could have something here about how his brother ripped off his idea and changed the name to the much more sensible Corn Flakes. Course you'd need to edit the etymology to say that the brother came up with that name in that case.
  • The Kellogg's Question - This is a really humorous take on just why people continue to eat such a tasteless food. The eating corn flakes as a self-inflicted punishment is good. The promotion part is also a good satire of how meaningless labelling is used on food advertising to sell more of the stuff. I remember one example from my marketing lecturer where a rice company started printing the words gluten free on the front of their packets. It resulted in sales more than doubling. The irony is that all rice is gluten free. The physical performance one isn't quite as hard hitting since it isn't poking fun at the cereal or other aspects of it. The humour used in the jokes is quite fine, but it just seems a little out of place next to the rest of examples. Again all the discarded theories make a nice mockery of the cereal in an amusing manner.
  • Modern Variants - All pretty funny, particularly the chocolate one. Nothing much to suggest here.
  • References - 1. As I said Sultana Bran, although that is apparently called Raisin Bran in the US... 2. The joke seems a bit too long winded and doesn't really fit in with the humour or tone in the rest of the article. It isn't a 'back in my day' article or an internet unsavvy piece so... 3. Good enough. 4. It would sound even better if it was the "Why Do People Still Buy This Crap?" branch. 5. Good. 6. Nice pun. I like those.
Concept: 9 A world famous cereal is a good thing to make fun of as it allows you to poke fun at the sneaky tricks that the industry plays. And the fact that Corn Flakes really are gross. You've explored the concept well.
Prose and formatting: 10 I couldn't see any spelling mistakes, and the sections were well laid out with not too long and not too short sections. The only thing that is a little odd is the tone in the introduction sits at odd with the rest of the article. In the introduction it is self-referential, but in the rest of the entry it doesn't make any references to itself. This isn't a problem as it works pretty well, but I wonder if you could see if you can rewrite the intro to maintain the same tone as the rest of the piece. If that isn't possible then don't worry about it as it also works fine as it is. I'm going to go ahead and give you full marks for this sections.
Images: 10 You've got three images which is just the right amount for an article of this size. They all have humorous photoshopped jokes are related to the topic. Again full marks.
Miscellaneous: 9 I use this section as a 'would I email this to my friend' part. At the moment I probably would email this to my friends particularly if I were eating breakfast.
Final Score: 46 A really funny article. I'm afraid I can't give many suggestions because I like exactly what you have done with it so far. If you want to make any other comments about the review then feel free to do so on my talk page.
Reviewer: Sequence 15:00, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
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