Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Confidence

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edit Confidence

Mattityahu 01:56, August 9, 2011 (UTC)

Pee Review Will give you some general advice for rectifications, and review it as soon as those are done..

LINKS -- Needs a lot more of them.. There are a whole lot of words which may link to other articles in Uncyclopedia, like "The Simpsons", "MIT", "Wars", etc. Well, you get the drift..!

PICS -- Could use one or two super-funny, and "to-the-context" pics depicting low-confidence and stuff.. Right? (:P)

MISC -- Might wanna see HTBFANJS for more help...

You can message me on my talk page if you need anything else..!!

Cheers..!! Somu 06:29, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

P.S. Please let me know HERE or on my Talk Page Once you are done with these suggestions (IF you choose to accept them), so that I may go forward to a Real Review..!!

I'm sorry, did you just delete my own message like 10 minutes before you saying I was going to review it or what? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 06:34, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
Ofcourse NOT Brother..!! That would be like Rude.. and Immoral.. and completely Unnecessary to say the least.. Willing to help in any way possible.. Looking forward to hear 4rm u.. Somu 07:01, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
I have no idea what you're looking forward to hearing from me. Elaborate please. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 07:22, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
What i meant was please let me know if I cud sort out this mishap in any way...!! :P
Ok well, I wanted to do this one for a while so if you'll let me go ahead and review it, I'll let you have another one if I take it before you can. Just next time, check to see if someone else reserved the right to review the article and ask them if you can have it instead of deleting their comment. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 18:20, August 13, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 9.5 So first off, quotes. I never really like them in articles, but in your case, I suppose that first one can be left alone. The second one about the simpsons is just random and unnecessary, I would delete it. Next up, I really can't say anything bad about your article. All the things usually wrong in an article with this concept, just aren't there. Your main jokes about constantly having those phrases that put the writer down like, "Oh did you know that? Sorry," and all of that are great. There isn't too much of it and not too little of it so that it still stays fresh and you keep a good balance between it becoming annoying and it being funny. Very good job with that, that's a difficult feat to accomplish.

So, I've re-read this article like 3 times and I just can't find anything truly wrong with the humour that is worth talking about. I don't know if it's me, but I'd take that as a good thing as it may just be that it's been a while since I've read a good article. So thank you for that. The biggest issue I have with the article though, is the prose and formatting, which if fixed, will make this article perfect. Look for comments and suggestions below.

And sorry if I do truly miss some sort of aspect of humour in your article. To me, everything is great.

Concept: 8 Hmmm yes a good concept. I was hesitant at first, but you did a fantastic job with this article, no doubt about it. The humour is great and you executed the article superbly. Look to prose and formatting though for the biggest complaints.
Prose and formatting: 6 So first off, my first notion is that the Origin section should come in the beginning of the article, rather than at the end. Seems strange that way. I'd place it under the introductory paragraph as a new section. That way, the article is introduced in order. This may require some alterations of sentences so the flow isn't thrown off, but it will look a lot better that way.

Second, I tried to fix the grammar errors you had, but there were so many I lost count. If you want, I'll try and check over it for you in my spare time (not at home right now), but in the meantime, you should probably re-read the article yourself and check everything. Spelling errors are a big humour deduction and can mean the difference between a feature and a failure.

Third, your formatting could use some fixing up. Right now, it kind of looks like a first-draft and a little in-formal. I don't know, but to me, this article looks like it would do better by having a structured format. Place the pictures so that they don't overlap into the next section, take the Origin section and place it up front, make the list section at the bottom more organized, little things like that. Also try and remove any stray sentences, like the ones in Definition or find some way to make them take up less space and look so loose. Making this article look professional would enhance its greatness by +20 (insert D&D reference here. I don't play it...).

Fourth, I wasn't sure about this issue, but anyways...Many of your sentences are broken up. Like, "unnecessary. Or something. Sorry about that. Was that a better definition? Sorry." I wasn't sure if you had so many periods where commas usually go to simulate the writer's lack of confidence, or just felt like it. You have this in the whole article and even if it is meant to convey the writer's lack of confidence, some spots would do well by connecting the sentences with commas instead of breaking them all up. I'll leave that to you to decide which ones to do that with, but it does seem wise not to break every sentence that has those confidence phrases like, "Oh really? Sorry. Ok? Sorry," and etc. Just a suggestion, but I feel like this one is important, like the formatting issue. It's up to you though, of course.

Images: 8.5 Very good images and the captions are done pretty well as well. That one picture of the t-shirt "I love my boyfriend" thing, it feels strange. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like there could be a better image, even though I can't really think of anything wrong with this one...I don't know, I'll leave that up to you since I can't think of anything. It's not important and I wouldn't worry about it, but just letting you know. If not, just ignore this statement.

The rest of the images are good. I would suggest having one or maybe even two more images in the article, preferably in the beginning. Maybe an image of a fat kid in dogeball class or something with a caption like, "Yea, way to make him realize he's a fat, worthless, pound of flesh that can't even run for 2 minutes. What's that? He heard me? Oh, oh...sorry..." Or something like that. Another idea may be to have a kid being beat up by bullies or something with a caption like, "Tommy, age 8, lies on the ground, confidently being beat up by other confident kids." Or something like that. I'll leave any other ideas to you, you seem to be able to come up with some good stuff.

Miscellaneous: 8 A lot better than I was expecting. Thanks for making an article that I feel deserves a 9 in humour. It's about damn time compared to all the other riff-raff that tries to float on by here. Wait, the other writes heard me? Oh no...sorry sorry... I should go ...
Final Score: 40 So that's about it. Any questions, comments, confidence boosters, can go onto my talkpage. Really enjoyed reading this article and if you fix up the format and prose and are sure it's a final draft, I will be more than happy to nominate this article for feature for you (not right now of course, they won't let anyone nominate for now). Just leave me a message about it being finished and I'll go straight ahead and nominate it.
Reviewer: --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)  Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 07:36, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
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