Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Commanism: In Grammar

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edit Commanism: in grammar

ScottPat (talk) 06:50, April 5, 2013 (UTC)

Humour: 8 Very good jokes and this article is almost as funny as its brother: Capitalism: in grammar. But it has suffered from bad luck for a long time: Capitalism was reviewed and even very well reviewed and Commanism was not. Now here are good jokes in your text which should be developed a bit more:
  • You did use commas in your work to illustrate your jokes (and I appreciate that) but sometimes your commas contradict your jokes. For example it happens in the sentence "Therefore the government has full control over, what writers think, write, and, publish." If you wanted to make the two parts of the sentence equal, you could put right in the middle as you did. But in this case it is probably more suitable to highlight 'government', as if it was a very important part of the sentence (as well as "therefore the" and "has full control over what writers think write and publish", the comma between think and write is not necessary, as if they were not important). [1] Or you can choose another way. Right now I don't understand why you make several last words of the sentence 'more equal than the others' as the sentence doesn't explain it.
  • You did not really explain how the leaders of the Commanist government made several words more equal than the others. In the sentence you are making at that moment, you just separate every word from another one. But that doesn't mean that some of them are more equal. You can explain it in a new sentence.

Suggestions for new jokes:

  • How commas sometimes change the sense of your sentence. Another Commanist plan? [2]
  • How brackets are concentration camps and that's why words inside them do not deserve any commas at all. (Or, how, you, decide).
Concept: 8 Very nice. But it seems that you have only one joke which you repeat several times. You can try to concentrate on other things because the article seems to be too short.
  • As a reader, I would certainly expect something about "'History"', "'Impact'".
  • You can make several references to several Commanist manuscripts (fictional), just to make it funny and to give an impression that you actually back up all your points.
Prose and formatting: 9 I am afraid there, may be several mistakes (not the deliberate ones). Maybe, not. But making sure, does no harm.
  • Also, I don't know if this should be corrected or not but you say "Communist George Orwell" and you never mention Communism in your article, you just parody it. So maybe it would be better "Commanist George Orwell"?
Images: 0 Suggestions:

This one is funny and you can make it fit well your article with a nice comment.

No smoking

"Writer bother not with comma".

Miscellaneous: 6.3 Average score.
Final Score: 31.3 Very good work! As always, I really enjoyed reading it. It needs some, work, but after it can become one of your, masterpieces! Its featured brother is lonely!
  1. "Therefore the, government, has full control over what writers think write and publish."
  2. See the image on the right
Reviewer: Anton (talk) 16:34, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
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