Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Command & Conquer

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edit Command & Conquer

I've remake and given a face lift for the Command & Conquer page. Please give a pee on this article and Kane will be pleased.

ASHPD 09:08, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Sure. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 16:23, Aug 19
Humour: 6.5 Dam dude. The quality of your writing has improved a great deal. I must say I am impressed. You were struggling a bit with some of your early stuff, but I think you have produced a good article here which I expect will be around a while. As you know, writing an article about a computer game is dam tricky. The opening paragraph was a refreshing change and gave an interesting concept to the rest of the article. I did not understand the quotes at the top at all. Not sure if that helps...

Well, I read down to "Read Alert series (1996-present)" thinking... OK, not bad... ASHPD has done well here. Much improved. Not really that funny in terms of me laughing out loud, but it's OK. Then I read the "Read Alert series (1996-present)" section. Now... I'm not sure about this. As you know, a lot of readers of Uncyc are kinda bored of all the Chuck Norris, and Mr T humour. Generally using those guys in your articles is not a good idea. You know that right? However... I did actually find what you did here kinda funny. You packed LOADS of Chuck Norris stuff into that one section. Now, I'm not sure if you intended this, but it did actually work rather well. Because there was nothing about them elsewhere in the article, it is kinda taking the piss out of people who might read the article expecting something about Command and Conquer to be rubbish and full of pointless Chuck Norris references. It's actually kinda good. I added another little bit at the end about two of the other overused Uncyc guys to really highlight the idea. Did you intend this? It works because the rest of the article is written in a rather serious encyclopaedic style.

The "GENERALS (2003)" section did (for me) look a little bit like you were edging backing the "game cruft" area. I don't know the games but to me it looks like you are running out of ideas a bit. I would probably loose the last paragraph for sure. I don't think the other part of this section is helping much either, although it is well written.

Concept: 7 I like the idea of it being an army thing which was not needed. The start which mapped that out was good, but the concept did kinda tail away a bit as the article progressed. After reading the second section, I had forgotten about the good idea at the start. Maybe if you adjust the tone of the rest of the article a bit to keep in mind the stuff about the misprints and the army, and the reasons why the game was made it would work better. It just kinda wanders into being a "normal" article later on. Try to keep the concept going thought the whole article.
Prose and formatting: 7.5 I'm impressed. You have come on a lot. You are writing in a much mature style. Your formatting has improved a great deal also. I'm VERY pleased to see that you have not plastered pointless templates all over the place. You use the formatting methods well. Maybe if you moved some of the pics to the left and had them a bit bigger it might look a bit nicer. I fixed a few problems. You probably just need to read through out loud to yourself to catch these next time...
Images: 6.5 Well, I don't know the game, so the jokes did not really make much sense to me. Maybe if you could make it so that people like me who don't know the game can understand them a bit more it would work better. I'm not sure about the gallery of pics at the end. I'm not sure it is harming the article, but it's probably not helping it either. Maybe it might be better to pic the best 2 or 3 pics from here, and include them in the article somewhere, and remove the rest. I'm not sure.
Miscellaneous: 6.9 {{Pee|6.5|7|7.5|6.5}}
Final Score: 34.4 Is it good enough you asked? Good enough for what I say! I don't think it's of the standard required to get featured on the front page but this will not be deleted any time soon. I'm sure of that. You have done it. This article will be kept I suspect...

What do I recommend you do now? Well, maybe have a think about some of the things I said, and change the article a bit if you want, but... I suggest you try your hand at writing something which is not about a computer game. Maybe have a look at Category Rewrite or Category Ideas for something which you could work on. If there is something there which takes your fancy try working on that. It's often better to work on an old article than create a new one. Still if you want to create a new one, and have a great idea, obviously go for it. Basically though... I would like to see you try working on something which is not about a computer game. Hea, what do I know though. You do whatever is fun. Enjoy.

Reviewer: MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 17:16, Aug 19
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