Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Clerks

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If you'd be so kind, please review Clerks. !0German flag - BigDuck 06:57, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

Humour: 1.5 Ok some good jokes in the article and all.

Example: "The most obvious side effect of clerks is excessive lose of money which is apparent by your wallet's rapid weight lose." is half reasonable and able to get a laugh IF the content around it supports it, I'm afraid it does this very poorly, the content around it doesn't support it very well at all. To understand what I mean just read it back to yourself, you'll soon realise it is mainly you listing things over and over. The repetition isn't really humourous for me and I don't think it will survive for very long if lists are your only source of humour. Remember this is not a top 100 lost this is supposed to be a full article!

Obtain humour through giving a more detiled description of the job and what it entails don't just blurt it all out in one elongated sentence.

Another thing is the last paragraph, far from funny its just random, "bulding your own condoms"? Sounds a bit silly doesn't it?, always remember "Truth is often funnier than outright lies or plain nonsense!" This is critical for re-writting this article and your future on this wiki as a whole.

Concept: 2 You show a slight understanding of the subject matter, but your drawback is this articles length! Its three paragraphs, it needs to be longer, more in depth and provide more humour than it does. If you follow these three simple steps the concept can and will develop.

As it stands the concept is largly based on and portrays the idea of clerks being evil untrustworthy individuals, be that is at may. The way you have shown this is well rather poor and shows a lot of room for improvement. Take time with your article don't just slap omething together in 2 minutes and say donw, some of the best articles ever written have taken weekes to write. Take time and effort and it will improve greatly.

Prose and formatting: 2 As I mentioned earlier this entire article replies on lists for humour, lists also don't happen to do a lot for the prose and formatting. I for one think long running sentences are unattractive, the problem you have here. Seperate your sentence, use each point you have so far as the base for a whole paragraph its not far fetched it could work and gratly improve the quality, detail and formatting of your work. As a result of this you should create more sections of the article.
Images: 1 IMAGES???? One image is not good enough, add more content and you should add more picture as well, theiving clerks is all well and good. But try for images that show other aspects of their work (Examples: Dealing with actual theives, how they basically work like automaited machines, etc.) If you are having trouble finding the right images for your article, here is always a good place to start looking and requesting other more experienced users to find them for you.
Miscellaneous: 3 You came here too early you needed to work on it more before you came here.
Final Score: 9.5 I'm sorry I was harsh with the scoring. But don't be discouraged, work hard on it expand it, it has potential it just needs a little push, I recommend adding {{Construction}} to it as well so it doesn't get ICU'd or I can move it to your userspace if you ask me.
Reviewer: Snowman111 Butlerstar Frosty dah snowguy contribs KUN PLEB Big GREEN Button Big red button 07:54, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
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