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This page is short, formatted like a very very proper letter to a bunch of kids playing tricks on this classy gentleman above. Tell me what to improve! KTHXBAI! -- • <-> 21:38, 30 October 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||I daresay, old bean, that you are very close indeed to the proper structuring of aristocratic oration. I should like to illuminate you on some of the finer points (if i may presume) which you will find listed at the bottom of this wholly unremarkable Table. (Harumph)|
|Concept:||9||I do so enjoy the classics, unfortunately the classics are sadly becoming stained with verbage from the hoi-polloi. With utter nonsense such as this 'n00b' thing I hear the servants occasionally utter, I should think that civilization itself is becoming a thing of the past, wouldn't you say?|
|Prose and formatting:||7||see below|
|Images:||7||why the double images? Other than that, the pictures are fine, as they give some 'character' to the letters.|
|Final Score:||41||see comments immediately following this signature.|
Ok, here are some changes that i am suggesting. I didn't just edit them myself (i never do) because i feel that since i am reviewing a 'work in progress' I would rather the owner do that. Once the owner is done, then 'AVAST YE! PREPARE TO BE BOARDED!' Anyway...here's the list:
- you tend to mix your language. I understand that you want him to be aristocratic. Well, aristo's CONSTANTLY use polysyllables (dog residue = canine excrement) (shaved the hair = denuded or depilitated. Yes, i know that many people will not get the words, and probably have to look it up, but that's the point. This rich fuck has EDUCATION. Mrs SnotRag III would positively faint if she heard the word 'shit'..but say 'fecal matter' and she will just wrinkle her nose and proceed to start fluttering her fan in front of her face.
- i woulds't like to be compensated..might sound better as I should like
- we upperclassmen never refer to ourselves as 'me'..that is much too gutteral a word. "I believe that you should reimburse me for ..." should read "I believe that reimbursement is in order here.."...something to that effect.
- I should think that Sir Lord Mittens would welcome the rank of THIRD in the queens royal navy..any reader that happens to compare the ranks (like me) would see that the CAT was a higher rank than Lord Classy. it would be a nice little hidden joke...
- Proper Gentelmen do NOT drink Indian Tea, my good man. Chinese WHITE TEA is much classier and more expensive to boot. ALSO we all know that if you were to shorten it to 'china white' (for the butler OR the cat) ..heheh 'china white' is a type of heroin.
- I love the way you kept playing the same little jokes, with little twists...from letter to letter, thats why i suggested the WHITE TEA...thought it might make a good joke. All in all, I love the idea/concept. Just make it more 'stuffy shirt' (ie pompous, arrogant, self-important) These people are the top of the shit-heap, and they dont smell as bad as everyone else...these qualities and more are what allows persons such as themselves to tolerate scumbags like me...!
RichardI hope i helped...if you need some words...im in the IRC a lot of the time.....