Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Cis-zeatin O-beta-D-glucosyltransferase

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edit Cis-zeatin O-beta-D-glucosyltransferase

I, quite frankly, have no idea what I've just written. Review at risk of brain explosion. —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 11/05 18:06

Humour: 8 Very funny. I like your plays on words--"sweet hit," "snuggly feelers," etc. They fit well with the article overall. Perhaps more of these would be good. Try to keep the humor consistent, though--for example, in the first paragraph, your voice changes. This could be because of sentence length (see Prose) or just my very short attention span. At any rate, some bits need to be tidied up.
Concept: 9 It reminds me of those diet patches you see advertised, like, everywhere online. I always wonder if the people who use these get cancer or something. Totally neat, and very clever. My brain, suffice to say, did not explode. At least, not in an unenjoyable way. (Hang on, that didn't come out right).

Anyhoo, the only improvement with the concept could come in throwing in some scientific facts.

Prose and formatting: 7 All right, I feel terrible for giving the score to the left, but it had to be done. You see, the article is rather painful to read. If I may be so bold to say, I believe that your sentence lengths are at fault. Remember, we Uncyclopedians are extremely ADD, and won't pay any attention to a sentence longer than two lines. Anyhoo, I do like quite a few other things--the paragraph sizes are good, and the small-print works really quite well. Love the blue links. :D
Images: 7 You know what they say--less is more? Yeah. No. The images you have are all right--well, actually they are pretty good--but you need more. Call me a greedy pig if you like, but the quality of this article really needs some equally superior images to flesh it out, so to type. Consider food images, consider heroin addicts, consider anything, really. Well, not anything. But you know what I mean.
Miscellaneous: 9 I decided to score you on the title, because the title is amazing. I simply have one itty-bitty-eensey-weensey-little issue: the decided lack of a hyphen between zeatin and the O. Call me a stickler. I just hope this doesn't affect our relationship.
Final Score: 40 All in all, an excellent article. Really, the only issue I could find was that the sentences had that lovely long and rambling quality so rather not desired in Uncyclopedia articles.

Oh, and you need more pictures. If you manage to clean that prose up a bit, I would have absolutely no problem voting it in as a featured article.

Reviewer: --Vana 02:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
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