Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Chutes and Ladders

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Revision as of 13:02, August 10, 2009 by Sequence (talk | contribs)

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edit Chutes and Ladders

This was inspired almost entirely by an extremely humorous conversation some friends and I had while playing--yep--Chutes and Ladders. I think this is quite funny. Review away. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:43, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

A review is incoming. Sequence 13:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 7 The humour here is clearly intended to come from the fact that academics are pontificating over a board game and as far as the jokes for that part go it is pretty good. The only problem is that it doesn't quite lend itself to being humorous all the way through. The only part that I really laughed out loud at was the part at the very end where the student told them all that they were being stupid for reading too much into a board game. There are some other nice parts (the various comparisons of the games were a highlight). But overall at the moment the whole article is bascially one big lead up to the punchline. I would say the best thing to do is to go through HTBFANJS and try to apply some of the suggestions that they have for humorous writing to this article. I don't think that there are any sections that need re-writing as I like what content I have at the moment, so the best way to get the laughs out is by changing the way that the humour is written.

The only major addition I can suggest that you add is something to do with the competitve side the game. After all the game does have two or more players, and the more people there are playing the greater the pleasure and smugness high you get when you go up a snake, and the worse you feel when you go down a chute. So perhaps you can create a section on this in which you compare it to people being promoted and demoted in an office, or drugos who use it as a cheaper alternative to hard drugs or some other comparision. You might also want to try adding in references to the competitive/social aspect in with the morality and emotion interpretations.

Concept: 8 This is the hard part of reviews because I just said half of what I would have said for this section up there. Anyways...

It's a nice concept that you have going here by taking a well known board game and making a parody of people who study a specific and narrow subject. It maintains a thorough encyclopediac tone throughout which is a nice move in my opinion. The only problem with it is that it doesn't lend itself to making a lot of jokes throughout the piece. People can get what the underlying joke is...but they don't get the opportunity to laugh about it until the end of the article where you say what everyone is thinking. I think you should just focus on expanding the concept a bit more into different areas to allow you to make use of some different jokes.

Prose and formatting: 9 It's all very well set out and I couldn't spot any glaring spelling or grammar issues. Keep the rest of the article like this as you write it and it should turn out fine. The only thing is that the size of the last picture seems just a little large as there isn't all that much detail in it. Perhaps you might lower the size just a little. The picture layout at the moment is pretty good.
Images: 8 The images that you have here at the moment are pretty good and relate to the topic. The second and third captions are pretty amusing and work well, but the first caption doesn't do so much for me and wouldn't be out of place on the wikipedia version. So I'd try and change the caption to something much more humorous. Images are where you can make up a lot of the humour on the page so it's important that you use each one to its fullest.
Miscellaneous: 7 I probably wouldn't send this article to other people yet but it is quite close. It's got a very good foundation at the moment so all it is waiting for is you to build and expand upon it.
Final Score: 39 Like I said in the humour section the best thing you can do is go through HTBFANJS and try and mix in some of the suggestions they have there. It's a nice approach that you have taken and I'm sure that you'll be able to spruce it up without gutting it or doing anything drastic. Change the caption (or even the whole picture if you can't come up with a caption that you are satisfied with). Just keep improving it like you have been doing so and it should turn out into a very fine article. If you want to talk about anything in the article or review feel free to do so on my talk page. Good luck with it.
Reviewer: Sequence 13:02, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
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