Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Carry On Film (resubmit)

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edit Carry On Film

I've resubmitted this one, having taken into account the advice given in the first, and hopefully it's much funnier. I demand a thorough probing! --OliverKnight 07:26, 13 December 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 7 Some good double entendres, but I think you really have to turn the innuendo right up to make this laugh-out loud funny. The more double entendres the better, providing the sentences still make sense of course. For example "Carry On Film was a huge failure at the box office and was even withdrawn from some cinemas halfway through its very first showing" could become "Carry On Film was a huge flop at the box office and was even prematurely withdrawn from some cinemas halfway through its first performance.

The reception section could do with some expanding. I also think you can add a few more pieces of merchandise to that section. To me, a pop-up book is an obvious choice.

Concept: 8 It's a simple idea, but it works.
Prose and formatting: 8 I couldn't spot any spelling or grammar mistakes. There's a bit of a run on sentence at the start. I'm not sure how "...and featuring characters with double-entendre names" relates to the earlier part of the sentence.

Stylistically, I would prefer it if you avoided obvious words like "sex" or "anus". The Carry Ons would use less direct terms like "rogering", "a bit of hanky-panky" or "back passage". You should do all you can to reflect the style of the movies.

Images: 9 I like the pics. They're all well chosen, especially the one with Jim Dale on a trolley. I think the first one should be a bit bigger, though.
Miscellaneous: 6 I think the bit about Rock Hudson and the Bollywood director should have its own section, so the introduction is just that.

Where did Bruce Forsyth and Stephen Fry come from? Authenticity is important here, as people who read the article will be familiar with the series and expect to recognise the actors as Carry On alumni. People like Bob Monkhouse, June Whitfield and Leslie Phillips could all be mentioned instead.

Finally, I'd prefer it if you could integrate the quotes at the end into the article, either by inserting them into the main text or using a quote to introduce a section (in particular the Kenneth Williams one could introduce the reception section).

Final Score: 38 I liked the article overall and there is a lot of good stuff. It just needs that little bit of polishing.
Reviewer: -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  14:09, 14 December 2007 (UTC)
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