Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Carnies (rewrite)

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edit Carnies

My first and probably only rewrite this time around for CW week. Review away. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:38, November 12, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 7 The concept of Carnies as a people is indeed a great one. And since this is a rewrite, I probably should've gone back and read what it used to be - but instead I'll be objective. There is some good comedy writing style in here - like the three points about balls (the carnie game type ... not the kind guys think chicks should dig). I think it would enhance the humor of that section if the ball-games were more obviously the same for the three issues solved by throwing balls. I did have to read twice to really appreciate the repetition humor - and I think it would help if it was more obvious that they played the same exact fucking game for everything. Maybe making links for each of the games, to highlight them, would help. There's some other jokes I would love to see included here - like colonies under a boardwalk (I had a teacher in school who had been a homeless carnie and lived under a boardwalk in New Jersey).
Concept: 8 Good concept - though the history section could go back even further. How about Jesus was a carnie, or carnie cavemen. As long as Russia is in there, Potemkin's Village - total carnival. Catherine the Great - probably liked sex with carnies. Peter the Great probably wanted to be a carnie. Rasputin was probably a carnie.
Prose and formatting: 8 Love the quotes. A few sentences are a bit wordy - but I think that adds to the effect. I love the description of the games. It is really the same game no matter what they're negotiating. I mentioned above, that linking to the games - just to make them standout, would help.
Images: 7 The captions are a little matter-of-fact.
Miscellaneous: 10 Again, I have no idea what this was like before - but it is looking pretty good. Also of note: Ren Fairs are a close cousin of carnivals, but could be the result of abnormally intelligent carnies.
Final Score: 40 40
Reviewer: --Puffskein 04:56, November 15, 2009 (UTC)
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