Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Captain Morgan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This was my rewrite page for the last PLS. Got second place actually. I'd like some advice on how this can be made excellent rather than
just average or good. Thanks! -- CUN RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 03:19 EST 9 Aug, 2010
I'll give this a review. Or try to. I'll come back and say if I don't, though, so for now let's assume one day, give or take a time zone and possibly a daylight savings time, you'll have your review. Cheers.-- 20100910 - 18:07 (UTC)
Okay, this could take a little longer, since my power went out while I was working on it. (Almost done, too... gorrammit) Soon, though. Soon.-- 20100911 - 20:56 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||Okay, the power seems to be done going out every ten minutes, so let's get this review done. But from a laptop. Just in case.
The humour is, for the most part, fairly impeccable. You work well off the brand name (or whatever that was) and mascot to make an in-depth history and elaboration on what really happened. Because let's face it, marketing and branding are boring. Well, usually. But this works better like this, I think.
A couple of things, though. The introduction could introduce the following article better - it lists some things that aren't even mentioned in the rest of it, and what does come is not entirely what the rest of the introduction indicated, if that makes any sense. But the Captain Morgan Marque Act, for instance. What is that? You could probably take that somewhere grand, yet it doesn't even come in the rest of it.
And how, exactly, is he eccentric? Say he is at least twice, but what earns him the adjective? Unless I'm just being dense again, further examples of this eccentricity could help, too.
And the extremely dramatic death, I'm not sure if leaving it at that is good or bad. On one hand, it's a glorious cliché in of itself, but on the other, you might be able to really play it out.
Also, nice ship names. Made me smile.
Perhaps it could use more rum jokes, too. Just a thought. Because rum jokes are fun.
|Concept:||8||As I already pretty much said, lovely concept, and worked with well. Yeah.
Any relation to Henry Morgan, though? I think I recall something about... and Jamaica... er... nevermind.
|Prose and formatting:||6||While I don't think I noticed anything entirely wrong with the formatting, grammar, words, etc, some things did stand out that it would do to consider. A lot of them just look odd, somehow.
Various things reading through again:
Other than that, the formatting, at least, is nigh impeccable, far as I can tell. Sections go logically, images go with them and are beautifully arranged, content stays under the relevant headers, introduction introduces and conclusion concludes... all in all, it is pretty.
And pretty is good.
|Images:||7||Decent images, well-placed, chosen and captioned for the most part... although two are a lot more conversational than the others, or than the article as a whole. While by itself the Vargas one works fine, the second person, ellipses and explicit threat don't really fit. It'd probably work better if the same idea could be relayed in a tone more like the rest of the article. And the one of the... er, sunk ship is lovely, especially how it's not there, except for the last sentence. It seems more like a tacked on comment than part of the caption. While it proves a good point, posing it as a question just doesn't fit. That also happens to be the only ? in the entire thing, mind.
For that matter, the last one is a little odd - 'deep amber flavor'? Do you mean colour, or is this some liquor-related thing I'm just missing?
And why would someone named for his beard have almost no beard in his picture? That's a little odd.
|Miscellaneous:||8||Overall lovely article. Thus, have the highest score I ever give anything for a miscellaneous.|
|Final Score:||36||Main thing that needs improving is the syntax/diction. It's a fine work, but as you probably already know, it needs polishing. Hopefully this shall have pointed out stuffs to work on and will help. At any rate... did I finish all these little sections?
Eh, looks like.
|Reviewer:||-- 20100912 - 02:35 (UTC)|