Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Cannibalism

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Revision as of 17:33, July 5, 2009 by Staircase (talk | contribs)

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FAQ

edit Cannibalism

In interview format.

T. (talk) 22:02, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll get it tomorrow. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 06:09, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Can't. Had a great review going, but I lost it. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 16:53, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
THat sucks. Well, in that case....
Staircase in person
This article is under review by none other than.....

Stairs.
Let down your hopes, eh?
Humour: 5.5 Ok, so I see you have a really good concept with this Sallinger guy. I'll get to that in the next section. Also, since you don't have sections in your articles, I'm going to abandon my normal "Section-by-section" approach. Now. Back to the point. We're talking about the humour here. And I'll be completely honest, it didn't get funny until the last couple of lines. To me the whole time it seemed serious; in fact, almost too serious. When I was reading it it almost seemed like a real interview. That may have been your objective, but having it like that ended up losing some of the humour. Like I said before, it didn't get funny until the end, and you need to add some more jokes towards the beginning and middle. However, the jokes at the end were good, but I didn't particularly care for the commerical. It was more of a "Huh?" than a "Haha!". If you could change it to something cunning and funny, you could get a good laugh to finish off the article. If you keep all of those things in mind, I think you can make a good VFH run with this, but as of right now, it isn't quite ready.
Concept: 8 When I first saw this I was really wonderig where you might take it. I was thinking "Cannibalism in an interview?", but as a matter of fact you really pulled it off nicely. However, I something to point out. Now, like I said in the section above you had this interview almost too serious. I can understand that, you could make it that way to make it seem more realistic, but, it takes away from the humour until the very end part. You need to put some funnier lines in there to really make the article great. Besides that, though, the smaller concepts within the article are great; the guy going hungry for the interviewers flesh? Great. And personally, I really enjoyed his ideas within Sallinger's book, like "Ah, but why not cannibalism? Look around you. Tell me, how can famine exist on a planet overrun by meat?" You really have a good concept here, it's just that the executaion is a bit low. If you beef it up a bit, you're in for a winner of an article and probably a feature.
Prose and formatting: 7 So, you had some really good formatting, it's pretty hard to screw up the formatting in an interview type article. There was nothing really wrong, except for the fact at the beginning all of the lines seemed to bug me a little bit. What I mean is the fact that you have a line between the wuote and the firsdt sentence, and a line betweeen the first and second sentences. I think if you remove those, it will be a bit easier on the eye and just better looking. Also, I don't know abut you, but the images were causing some formatting problems. (see the next section).
Images: 6 Now, you had good images that fit the article well, but, you had too many of them. Because you had so many images, it was causing some formatting problems for me. I don't know if it's just my monitor or not, but it just didn't work out well. However, it was the second and third images that were really throwing off the format. Between the bottom of two the images there was white space where text should have been. I recomend that you scratch at least the fourth image; its relevance seemed low to me. If you want to, you could get rid of another image, just to make it a bit more spaced out and easier on the eye. However, you don't really need to go more then one. At least remove the fourth image and move the third one down to remove that white space. Also, the catpions of the pictures didn't seem relevant to the article. Maybe what you could od is aget an image of ths guy's book? Maybe you could get someone to make it for you. You don't need to, though, your images now are fine. It's just a suggestion.
Miscellaneous: 6.6 See Below.
Final Score: 33.1 You have a cople things to do to make this article a winner:
  1. Make it funny - You really lacked humour until the end. If you fix that, it'll be awesome.
  2. Change up some of the pics - It was causing some problems, so you might want to remove some, and maybe change the captions.

Actaully, this article is pretty good. You just nee d abit of polishing, and you're onto a great, VFH article here. Good luck!

Reviewer: Staircase CUNt 17:33, 5 July 2009 (UTC)
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