Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Camilo Sesto
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What do you guys think of this? Maybe you won't even have to drink to enjoy reading this. Have fun!
the dorky contralto 22:17, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- So you have been here for a year, but just started editing in near-2012? I doubt if I can classify you as a noob, but... never mind. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 11:51, June 3, 2012 (UTC)
- A decent article, but I don't like the serious bits (the commentary that almost scolds the reader) mixed in with the humor. We get the point, the guy is drinking himself to death. 12:41 3-Jun-12
|Humour:||7||I do not know who this guy (Camilo Sesto) is, but judging from the article this is an egregious example of how not to write an article. I suggest that you read HTBFANJS and take a test on it. And maybe read it a few times occasionally when you are running out of ideas for humour. What Qzekrom (the most recent noob who is now a rising star) suggests for people to do is to write UnNews articles. UnNews is in a currently stagnant position right now because so many people abandoned it. By the way, I am here for 4 years and has gained some life experiences on this. Yeah, and my articles get deleted all the time, you see in the meantime. On the Notes heading, you spoiled the joke completely by blatantly saying that it is just a joke. Sometimes, there is a good time and a bad time on when to spoil jokes. This is clearly not the good time. And on the issues of the headings of "For the curious among us, "Algo más" and "However, this video is not so funny", the joke is just lost upon me.
|Concept:||6.6||The concept of a biography of Amy Winehouse's former spouse before her untimely death due to her consumption of drugs and liquor is good per se, but I think it needs a bit of work. Your concept is simply: a singer that we don't give a fuck about because he is Spanish, but is basically a male version of Amy Winehouse. The concept indeed had been followed to the letter, but in some parts (including the final three headings as listed in the contents page- not that if you care, but..) the concept was even better than normal. I think it does need some improvement, because I felt that the concept had been ruined by the final heading.|
|Prose and formatting:||6.9||Parts of the article had been out of place in terms of prose. You mentioned that " In 2003, he got a liver transplant, and as far as anyone knows he is slowly dying somewhere", after stating that " In 2011, Sesto made what was supposed to be a comeback tour..." Now, when you write a biography of a person like this random Spanish singer, it is normally written in chronological order. Also, there are too many lists in this article. I think one third of the article consists of lists, another third of videos, and another third of a proper article. In my opinion, I think you should cut down the number of lists that you put in, reduce the lists to one sixth and have one half of a page be a proper article. On the other hand, you demonstrated your capabilities in formatting. I mean, you stuck two Youtube videos, and also managed to use the templates provided correctly. But the position of the image in the main article space looks awkward- could you move it somewhere else in the page?|
|Images:||7.4||It's a good thing that you are using images. Most of the images are related to the singer and you have spent your time trawling through the internet to get these photos. The captions are also good too, and they match the concept well. What you had done is excellent, and I think it should be the standard for all articles to have something like a few images.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||Score averaging system in activation...|
|Final Score:||34.9||Basically, I ran out of ideas to write down in my final comment. Don't let the score stop you from writing more articles; all you need to do is to reevaluate, and think, "Is this article going to meet Uncyclopedia's standards?" If it does, then congratulations, submit to VFH and you're done. If it's not, get Qzekrom to help you write this up. I was going to rewrite Facebook as I want to give a theme of "an article about Facebook that looks like Facebook".|
|Reviewer:|||Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 11:51, June 3, 2012 (UTC)|