Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Calvin Harris
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CrabPope 01:04, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||This actually wasn’t shit! Not fantastic but it wasn’t a total loss either. Which for a band article is high praise indeed.
The thing about the lyrics is they aren’t the most inventive; it’s very easy to replace “eighties” with “nineties” and “Girls” with “kids”. I’m sure they’ll be funny to those who haven’t thought of them though.
There was some lines that I did quite like:
" but instead prefers to scribble out a few nonsensical statements, usually in crayon, onto post it notes, which he then repeats in the song ad infinitum " I also liked as it was nicely satirical about the genre and had interesting language. And I liked this bit too "burning desire to become a PE teacher, " I thought that was a pretty funny euphemism.
Also I noticed you said “Enfant Amoureux” records, which I thought was a nice little touch: hinting at the words “Infant” and “Amorous”, I thought that was quite clever.
Overall it came across a little immature, simply because your core joke seemed to be “he’s a paedophile” despite the fact that you had some inventive jokes. I’m kinda torn actually.
As for expansion I’m not too sure how you could expand this without making it just stupid. Like I’ve said you had some clever stuff, and as I’m gonna say there isn’t much that can be done with band articles. Sad to say it may be best to let this die and move on to something more original as I can see you will almost certainly be able to do better with a better concept.
|Concept:||3||Yeah, it’s a band article, these are very rarely brilliant see HowTo:Write A Funny Band Article for more information (bear in mind it’s not entirely serious but it does make good points too). But you did try which is earning you points with me. Ok paedophilia isn’t the most original angle (or indeed the most creative) but you stuck to it and made the best with the lyrics parody.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Your actual writing wasn’t bad (well done for spelling Paedophile correctly.) you did have quite a good encyclopaedic tone for example you said "sodomising a 6 month old daschund " instead of “raping a dog” which makes things funnier when you take a slightly pretentious tone when saying something silly. 6 because there isn’t much, and this isn’t entirely your fault, but in future article should be a little longer.
As I’ve mentioned before you had a nice tone and used some good language and I think you’ve got some real talent this article is being held back by the concept being a bit narrow (and being a band article). I think if you tried something a bit more original you’d be able to be more creative and produce a better article.
|Images:||6||These images were actually pretty well selected. The guy in the first one suits the role disturbingly well. The second pic you either found or made (so well found or well made) and it fits your article nicely. The caption in the first one was quite funny actually but the second caption was a bit too big looking and not really that funny. Cut it back to the glasses just being a method of disguise or make a comparison to Bono.|
|Miscellaneous:||4.75||Averaged other scores.|
|Final Score:||23.75||If you’d like to thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page. No seriously, I’m willing to help out with anything. Especially as I’m getting the impression that you are at least trying, most people come here for an ego boost rather than actually seeking to make an article better. And, though I get the impression you have, I like directing newbies to read HTBFANJS.
Oh and in answer to your question you’ve just walked into (an incredibly witty) naked pool party!
|Reviewer:||SK Sir RotM 19:20 13 July 2008|