Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Cake Killers

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edit Cake Killers

Sean Cashen 04:12, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Got this. 5-6 hours--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:03, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
Ah fuck, my computer shutted down on me, so I'm going to have to redo this, but I'll finish it soon--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 09:54, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
Ok give me two hour and I'll be done--Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:42, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
Sorry, Iv'e been busy and hadnt much computer time, but now I do. I swear I'll get this done, and I'm nearly finished.
I like to write a lot of things, I’m pretty good at Pee Reviews, and I received an award Author of the Month Award and one feature. Also I like Avenged Sevenfold, Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3, and brunettes and emo girls.
Concept: 7 I believe you have a sound concept here, yet there are things that keep this score low. First, although you explained about the history of cake killing, that was mostly what you put down. What the reader would like to know is not only how it got started, but how it is used today as well the types and ways of cake killing and possible crimes that include cake killing as well as well known cake murderers. There is a modern day section but it is rather short. Don’t be afraid to go into more detail on things, as long as you don’t overdo it.
Prose and Formatting: 7 The problem here isn’t grammar or spelling, although you do have one thing that should be done. There are two problems I have include narrative tone and execution of some sentences.

For the narrative tone, you tend to switch from a third person tone to a first one. This thing is what mess up people these days. You need to pick with a tone and stick with it. If you pick a third person tone, you stick with that unless you’re doing a quote or something like that. Same goes for the first person tone. For this you could make a historian talk about cake killing who also likes cake himself, but this is up to you.

As for execution of certain sentences, they tend to be too simple and are not in-depth. For example, “They attacked the Heretics, and killed every single one of them. So began the War on Heresy.” I think it would be more professional to say it like this, ‘’Because of the horrifying crime the Heretics have done, the Catholics, in retaliation, drew weapons and led an assault on the Heretics, with many, if not all, Heretics dying in the battle. This action sparked the War on Heresy” See where I’m going with this? Being more in-depth makes the article look less boring, and not so simple.

Also, here’s one thing that should be changed

  • However, they were quickly dispersed by all the upright- would be better ‘’’if all’’’ the was replace with ‘’’the entire’’’. Will make more sense.
Humo(u)r: 6 It was a interesting read indeed, yet there wasn’t much humor. Mostly is because most of your sentences were not in-depth and just rushed things. But that only part of the problem. The other problem is it’s mostly about the history and less on how it is also used today. The reader would like to know these things as well. Mostly what I said above also is what needs to be done for this grade to be pulled up. I do like the Catholics disliking Heretics for killing there cakes story, very clever.
Images: 5 There was one, and doesn’t really contribute to the article. I suggest replacing it. And an advice on images, I suggest getting some with cakes getting attack or something. If you can’t find any, you can use photoshop, or ask someone who does photo shop to help you out
Miscellaneous: 8 my overall grade of this article
Final Score: 33 Not bad, pretty good, it just need some work. With a little touch ups it’ll be good ask cake ;). If you have any questions/comments, just go to my talk page and I’ll be happy to answer them. Good Luck! Cheers!
Reviewer: --Grue JammyDirectorEye 4WILLExplode 3YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 04:09, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
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