Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Burger Index
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|Humour:||6||There is some good material. Other stuff didn't tickle my funnybone. I'm not sure why.|
|Concept:||6||It' a reasonably good concept.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Quite well-written. See endnotes.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||A nice article and worthy addition to Uncyc.|
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 14:16, 16 August 2007 (UTC)|
Endnotes: The only thing I might suggest is simplification of some of the prose.
- "The Burger Index, as coined by Mac McDonald, is an index of insight into one's obsessive compulsity (is that even a word?) in regards to burger-eating limits and standards."
I'm not sure what kind of thing an "index of insight" is. Does this sentence really mean the BI is "an index of how much the respondent likes burgers"? Or "a measure of one's compulsion to eat burgers"? Or "a system rating how likely a person is to exceed the limits of good taste and sanity when eating burgers"? I would tentatively suggest you make the original sentence more straightforward.
- "The Burger Index was created as an idea by McDonald's founder Mac 'Macca' McDonald in 1942 to create a quantitative value for him and his friends to rate each other on how many burgers they can eat in one go."
I think perhaps this could also be simplified, perhaps just by saying "...to create a rating system based on how many burgers he or his friends could eat in one go." (The purpose of any rating system is to create a quantitative value, so maybe the phrase "create a quantitative value" is superfluous.)
I don't mean to say the article is poorly written; it's not. I only say that my personal recommendation would be to simplify and clarify some of the sentences. For another example, "...various individuals will perform certain deeds..." could be said as "...some people will do anything...".
This is of course my personal view. You may want to use a somewhat roundabout prose style in this piece. Take everything with a grain of salt...or monosodium glutamate, given the subject matter.
Good luck! ----OEJ 14:16, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
- Thanks for the insight, tis much appreciated. :) - -Dial the Gate 15:21, 16 August 2007 (UTC)