Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Bullet For My Valentine
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I'd like some advice and feedback please.
FairyGarland 04:05, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||it was a pretty good article, it had a nice flow to it and most of the jokes were set up well enough for most people to get them. really there just needs to be some more.|
|Concept:||8||this is quite a good idea actually, it is certainly very original and clever with how you blended two compleatly unrelated ideas to make up quite a good story, even if as a result the band is now compleatly fictional, unless there are jokes about the original band thaty i simply didn't notice as i know nothing about BFMV. but all said it is a pretty strong concept, redundant people "making it big" in the rock buisness -- anyone can do that.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||firstly swap around the "discography" and "alledged homosexuality" sections as its standard to have dicographys at the bottom where people can ignore them if they choose (simply because they are pathalogically lists and few people are interested). then i think you could probably expand into a few more scandals (like you have done in you other articles) as the article needs a bit more. you do have a pretty good story, although you say "for reasons unknown" when talking about one of the other band members. make something up about him syphoning money off the drug runs or something, in articles like this saying "for reasons unknown" (unless it's clear that it's a murder cover up) kinda comes across as a little lazy.
the alledged homosexulaity section, remove the second quote as it's just clutter, and alter the other one to read "Joey Wheeler on Kaiba's dragon" anyone with half a brain will know that it's inuendo, but it still leaves some ambiguity -- in this case that'll make it funnier. I also noticed some spelling/grammar mistakes too.
|Images:||6||woah! way too many and they're all fighting for my attention like children on red bull. i suggest you remove the yami/yugi one and make the mai one bigger (this is a pretty vital picture for getting the whole idea behind the joke) also i'd ditch the seto one as it serves little purpose, i did like the one of the two guys as it advertises its self as a picture even though it is so blatantly a drawing. good satire there.the band logo is obviously the band logo just leave it in the table with out the caption, but it is well done, looks official. the cover of the album i also thought was very good as it looked very professional and believable. i actually want to buy that album now and it's not on amazon! lol. good work there. but like i said its a bit crowded.|
|Miscellaneous:||6.75||(averaged as per pee review guidlines) Fantastic! no in-jokes|
|Final Score:||33.75||if you have any questions or insults or the compulsion to vandalise feel free to visit my talk page and user page respectivly. if you would like i could poof read this for you, just ask. and don't complain about my spelling and grammar, it's too late to care about my own.|
|Reviewer:||Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog| 00:27, 4 May 2008 (UTC)|